In the last week I had an unexpected release of an old block. For the last couple of years now block release has gone from fast and furious to slower and more difficult as I have gotten down to what I know are the deepest of my blocked energy. It is now like chiseling away stone. While this has required greater patience than ever before, the reward has been great.
The interesting thing about the release of this latest block was that I was able to trace it back through history to a past life event. While I do not know the exact date of the event, I have been able to locate it in the third to fourth century AD. This was interesting, and this was not something that was on my radar at all. In fact, I have in numerous instances been over this same ground that involved this block many times, but never had much of a reaction one way or the other.
It involved burying a cache of ancient documents, and it helps to explain why, before the block lifted, I felt the way I did. For years I had this driving feeling as though something had been hidden that told the story , the untold story of a very important, a foundational, aspect of Christian thought. This sense within me has driven me since I was a small child, and honestly, it wasn’t the best sense for a child to have. How do you explain to someone that you KNOW that something had been hidden, but upon being questioned, you don’t have ANY details about what on earth this could be? So you see the conundrum. This is why I have always kept this sense entirely to myself, with only a few people ever even knowing I felt this way.
To give you just enough back story without loading you down with details, I had to bury documents I considered sacred and extremely important to spiritual maturity (a code word for awakening) in order to hide them from the church. I hid them in order that they might be protected, so they might be found by someone at a later date who could appreciate their importance. I was hiding these documents because the church had deemed documents such as these heretical and were an anathema to Orthodox belief. This experience was not ot unlike placing a child in a boat on a river alone, hoping that they might survive. Things were so bad where I was that doing this was the last and final option. It was my message in a bottle. Hidden. Would they ever be found? Would they survive? The desert is a sea where no oar is dipped, so say the Muslims. I placed my hopes in the hands of that great ocean of sand and said many prayers that they might come back to a more inquisitive kind of human in the future. This was in a day when everything was written down, not printed and widely distributed as today.
Once the block was encountered and the emotions fully processed, this driving feeling in me that I had felt most of my life went away completely. What is interesting about this, though, is that I lost the “fire in the belly” over this issue…which has made my recent work more difficult because now I am left without this driving feeling as though something was done that should not have been and am instead left with a peace and bliss that comes as a result of fully processing these blocks. All of this repressed emotion was what was driving me forward with such conviction and vigor….it ate at me, you could say, and this is very important to understand about how blocks affect us. They just keep turning in us until we resolve them. Depending on the nature of the block, it could be very destructive to all you hold dear.
I find it very curious that I would have a block like this pushed so far down. I say this because over the course of my awakening process, I have noticed the the easier blocks all went first. There were a lot of inconsequential blocks, many I had no clue what they were that simply evaporated, and these left in complete anonymity in numbers beyond my counting (but every one is accounted for in how they will affect us until it’s released). I am happy not to know what they were about because I no longer am affected by them….whatever they were. This has simply left me at a greater place of peace. But this last one, because I had a memory of how it was connected into the an event in the past and my connection to sacred texts, and because it came later in an area of the light body where the blocks have been notoriously difficult to dig out, I have been given a view of how this block has affected me and for so long. This was not an inconsequential one. How would you feel if you knew you had to hide the truth because those in power didn’t want to hear it? When I look back on the people I have known whose lies have degraded my joy, or destroyed parts of it, and I see how I did what I did, the guilt, the sadness, all of it, served to attract or draw to me lights that were less than the one great Light. This was what we called it back then because it was a great unfathomable beautiful mystery that was the Light!
Below is an image of the meridian where the block released. In the hip there are three locations for acupuncture points 10-12. It was on the #12 point that this last block released. I could feel it quite vividly. Shoot, I felt the presence of the block long before then nearly every day as a hard tense tight and burning sensation. Really. I am blessed to be able to feel these points, even though I feel them all the time. But when you wake up, it seems that when you are able to feel more deeply, as is often the case, you feel all of it, right down to where blocks reside. Knowing where they are is one very useful step in releasing them.
It is on my right side that this block was located.
Before I began feeling the specific meridians where blocks are now located, I felt them previously in a more regional way, and they were also released in a regional way through the action of the stirring effect of the major chakra centers. Now, though, the chakras seem less at play as I get down to the last blocks in the major chakra regions. It seems that now I am down to doing this piecemeal. But by feeling them as clearly as I do, I have been able to point directly to the specific blocked area on my body and either my acupuncturist or my body worker (a lovely Kahuna healer who is perfect for this kind of work at this stage in the game) were then able to go directly to the site and begin working their magic on me in those places.
In an odd twist, though, it helps me to see how close this issue of getting the word out is to my own soul. As a result, while I now feel freer than ever before, I have this calm sense of resolve that I do indeed need to finish this work. No fire in the belly, no, but I have something much better perhaps. A quiet calm knowing. To know that something I did in the past helped in some way to preserve the esoteric wing of early Christian thought is like having the past reach out to me and touch me on my heart, telling me that while we are at a time when these books can be seen anew, or seen for the first time in a new context, the work is perhaps even more important so I can round the end of this one chapter that has been almost 1600 years in the making. I get to tell the story I didn’t get to tell, you see. My work will be for the texts themselves and what they meant to me and how it was that I understood them when others did not seem to know. The research I am doing will seek to illuminate this to show just how revolutionary and how similar these teachings were to other very different traditions in other parts of the globe.
We each do not see the sun rise through the eyes of a Muslim or Christian or Zorasterian. We see them through human eyes and awakening is very much a human experience, not one attained by way of religion (our self-imposed ignorance as a race has seen to that!).
The other really interesting thing is how it has loosened up my energy. The heart center, which has been one center that has cleared the most in my ten years at this work, now suddenly seemed to explode with a new found sense of energy. The heart center was not the one blocked, though, but when a block near the root opened up, it put the heart center into what felt like was a new context. It has provided a vibrant presence of this energy within me that is remarkable. That is a beautiful outcome. This is showing me yet again the complex reciprocity between all aspects of the light body (yes, heart is open and clear, but when the root is clear, the heart can know continuously what it could only feel in peak states previously). It also gives me an unexpected level of hope and excitement about clearing up the two other blocked areas in the root that I can feel vividly. This last release helped to confirm what I had felt in my body before laying eyes on a meridian chart, which was a cluster of points (and blocks in each) that corresponds to an acupuncture meridian that has three points along it. That is pretty cool, I think, because it shows that those Chinese who helped develop these charts really knew their energy centers and could feel them like I do. It’s almost as if I can see them talking now, “Xiao, I feel resistance right here in my hip!”
“Write it down on the chart! A new point! Now let us observe if anyone else has it and what its nature is!”
With each release, there is also sometimes a certain kind of confusion over why I am feeling the emotional reaction that I am feeling. Often, for me at least, a few days before a block lets go, I begin feeling all kinds of emotions that are tied to the block….except I don’t know in the beginning that it is associated with that block. I just feel all this emotion and I wonder if I am just “in a mood” or just what is going on! But, as is often the case, my mind turns to the possibility that it is a block releasing and it is then that I quietly observe and just do as I have always done, which is the work to help the block go ahead and release. In some cases, physical movement helps this. Shaking, massage (deep tissue), breath work, and some other somatic work can help. In this case, actually feeling the emotion and seeing where the block happened, can in some cases help me to realize its origin and to just let it go by flushing the emotion in my system partly by processing the emotion more fully. In this case, this meant feeling such an intense mix of emotions was what took place. Over the period of one day, this emotion kept coming up. In moments through the day I mourned the loss of something I knew were texts that were central to understanding how to help people to wake up. And the narrative changed considerably after that date as Orthodoxy stretched out its limiting hand on Christian thought. In its origins, what these people had was nothing short of explosive, and it was largely lost to time until about 60 years ago when some of them were recovered. But how do you explain to people who don’t get it how important these books were? Most often, people’s eyes glaze over when they are confronted with something someone says is important Christian thought. But this was itself a different Christianity, an aspect that never made its way to the light of day. I have had people criticize my thesis on this because, well, they only know what they know as a result of what Orthodoxy has handed down to them. But this….this was something powerful, and there were people who had a clear view and understanding of it. What it means is that human experience is human experience. This prefigures ALL religion because an awakening is NOT Christian or Hindu or Muslim or Sufi or Native American. Each has its unique cultural coloring, but its all like Rumi said, just water. We all argue over the water in one bottle over another, simply because the labels are different. But really, they all come from the same well, the same source. We all experience it the same way the world over. This is what people have a hard time coming around to. But it is the truth. It is also what will set us free. We all are seeing the same light. Our water all has the same source. Call it heresy if you must, so we all must face a common heresy because we are made by the same one who created the truth that we call heresy.
We don’t often feel a connection to the church because, it lost its own connection with the truth….or an important aspect of it. The church has much good to say, some about a glorious garden whose keys to they themselves have lost. And it is here, in the midst of this, that I have been set free. Here, the flow of life force is so strong, I am excited over getting the rest of the blocks cleared so that I can know a greater peace and a field of undisturbed bliss. It is already better than it has ever been before.
It is interesting to see how it will affect those who have been caught up in karma contrary to my own who have not themselves come to the truth of their own soul. And really, who knows. It is their story. I have my own, and in the end, we are each like flowers opening before the light of this new day, aren’t we? Isn’t this a pretty amazing time? And no matter what happens, we each know that at the least, we helped to bring the collective to a point of greater realization than has happened in a very long time. It would be nice to continue just to witness even bigger miracles on the world stage. I suspect that in the next six months, we will be in for a very bumpy ride. All of it, though, will be the collective consciousness coming to grips with many of the issues that still dog it. Some will see the change coming and miss understand the forces at work seeking to work it’s own agenda. If that sounds cryptic, hang on because the last leg holding up our economic table is about to be assaulted. And soon! This will unfold in such a way that someone who could have brought great change will be, very likely will be, neutered in effectiveness. If events unfold as I feel they will, this event is soon upon us.
Not long ago I was gifted with a reading by a really great person who works with ancient systems of knowledge and divination. I know how that might sound, but when I talked to him, I explained that I never felt like I could do the work he was saying I would be doing because I had not fully cleared my field. I have just always felt that before I do healing work with others, I need to be clear. He explained that I needed to begin the work now because doing the work would get me to where I needed to be. He had his ideas about what this would look like, but in doing this work with this book, which he didn’t see as playing a very big role in my future work, I have found that it has helped to do just what he was saying my work would do, which is to get me to that place of clarity. While I have some ideas about what I am interested in delving into to help others, I don’t know what this will look like in specific because spirit always has a way of bringing me all the right events and opportunities in unbelievably synchronistic ways. So we will see how that unfolds, but by giving it the room it needs, the higher self will express itself as it needs to, with elbow room and with me not meddling too much in what I think it needs to look like. Maybe you have a few experiences with how that has worked out in your own life?
And all of this happening on the eve of my birthday. I think I picked a great time to be born; a time when everything in the world is waking up, peeking out as new life. How juicy it is to feel new life in me, right along with new life in the world.
Until next time…