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In the last week I had an unexpected release of an old block.  For the last couple of years now block release has gone from fast and furious to slower and more difficult as I have gotten down to what I know are the deepest of my blocked energy.  It is now like chiseling away stone.  While this has required greater patience than ever before, the reward has been great.

 

The interesting thing about the release of this latest block was that I was able to trace it back through history to a past life event.  While I do not know the exact date of the event, I have been able to locate it in the third to fourth century AD.  This was interesting, and this was not something that was on my radar at all.  In fact, I have in numerous instances been over this same ground that involved this block many times, but never had much of a reaction one way or the other.

 

It involved burying a cache of ancient documents, and it helps to explain why, before the block lifted, I felt the way I did.  For years I had this driving feeling as though something had been hidden that told the story , the untold story of a very important, a foundational, aspect of Christian thought.  This sense within me has driven me since I was a small child, and honestly, it wasn’t the best sense for a child to have.  How do you explain to someone that you KNOW that something had been hidden, but upon being questioned, you don’t have ANY details about what on earth this could be?  So you see the conundrum. This is why I have always kept this sense entirely to myself, with only a few people ever even knowing I felt this way.

 

To give you just enough back story without loading you down with details, I had to bury documents I considered sacred and extremely important to spiritual maturity (a code word for awakening) in order to hide them from the church. I hid them in order that they might be protected, so they might be found by someone at a later date who could appreciate their importance. I was hiding these documents because the church had deemed documents such as these heretical and were an anathema to Orthodox belief. This experience was not ot unlike placing a child in a boat on a river alone, hoping that they might survive. Things were so bad where I was that doing this was the last and final option. It was my message in a bottle. Hidden. Would they ever be found? Would they survive?  The desert is a sea where no oar is dipped, so say the Muslims. I placed my hopes in the hands of that great ocean of sand and said many prayers that they might come back to a more inquisitive kind of human in the future. This was in a day when everything was written down, not printed and widely distributed as today. 
Once the block was encountered and the emotions fully processed, this driving feeling in me that I had felt most of my life went away completely. What is interesting about this, though, is that I lost the “fire in the belly” over this issue…which has made my recent work more difficult because now I am left without this driving feeling as though something was done that should not have been and am instead left with a peace and bliss that comes as a result of fully processing these blocks.  All of this repressed emotion was what was driving me forward with such conviction and vigor….it ate at me, you could say, and this is very important to understand about how blocks affect us.  They just keep turning in us until we resolve them. Depending on the nature of the block, it could be very destructive to all you hold dear. 

 

I find it very curious that I would have a block like this pushed so far down.  I say this because over the course of my awakening process, I have noticed the the easier blocks all went first.  There were a lot of inconsequential blocks, many I had no clue what they were that simply evaporated, and these left in complete anonymity in numbers beyond my counting (but every one is accounted for in how they will affect us until it’s released).  I am happy not to know what they were about because I no longer am affected by them….whatever they were.  This has simply left me at a greater place of peace. But this last one, because I had a memory of how it was connected into the an event in the past and my connection to sacred texts, and because it came later in an area of the light body where the blocks have been notoriously difficult to dig out, I have been given a view of how this block has affected me and for so long. This was not an inconsequential one. How would you feel if you knew you had to hide the truth because those in power didn’t want to hear it? When I look back on the people I have known whose lies have degraded my joy, or destroyed parts of it, and I see how I did what I did, the guilt, the sadness, all of it, served to attract or draw to me lights that were less than the one great Light. This was what we called it back then because it was a great unfathomable beautiful mystery that was the Light!

 

Below is an image of the meridian where the block released.  In the hip there are three locations for acupuncture points 10-12.  It was on the #12 point that this last block released.  I could feel it quite vividly.  Shoot, I felt the presence of the block long before then nearly every day as a hard tense tight and burning sensation.  Really.  I am blessed to be able to feel these points, even though I feel them all the time.  But when you wake up, it seems that when you are able to feel more deeply, as is often the case, you feel all of it, right down to where blocks reside. Knowing where they are is one very useful step in releasing them.
It is on my right side that this block was located.  

Before I began feeling the specific meridians where blocks are now located, I felt them previously in a more regional way, and they were also released in a regional way through the action of the stirring effect of the major chakra centers.  Now, though, the chakras seem less at play as I get down to the last blocks in the major chakra regions. It seems that now I am down to doing this piecemeal.  But by feeling them as clearly as I do, I have been able to point directly to the specific blocked area on my body and either my acupuncturist or my body worker (a lovely Kahuna healer who is perfect for this kind of work at this stage in the game) were then able to go directly to the site and begin working their magic on me in those places.

 

In an odd twist, though, it helps me to see how close this issue of getting the word out is to my own soul.  As a result, while I now feel freer than ever before, I have this calm sense of resolve that I do indeed need to finish this work. No fire in the belly, no, but I have something much better perhaps.  A quiet calm knowing.  To know that something I did in the past helped in some way to preserve the esoteric wing of early Christian thought is like having the past reach out to me and touch me on my heart, telling me that while we are at a time when these books can be seen anew, or seen for the first time in a new context, the work is perhaps even more important so I can round the end of this one chapter that has been almost 1600 years in the making. I get to tell the story I didn’t get to tell, you see. My work will be for the texts themselves and what they meant to me and how it was that I understood them when others did not seem to know.  The research I am doing will seek to illuminate this to show just how revolutionary and how similar these teachings were to other very different traditions in other parts of the globe.  

We each do not see the sun rise through the eyes of a Muslim or Christian or Zorasterian.  We see them through human eyes and awakening is very much a human experience, not one attained by way of religion (our self-imposed ignorance as a race has seen to that!).

 

The other really interesting thing is how it has loosened up my energy.  The heart center, which has been one center that has cleared the most in my ten years at this work, now suddenly seemed to explode with a new found sense of energy.  The heart center was not the one blocked, though, but when a block near the root opened up, it put the heart center into what felt like was a new context.  It has provided a vibrant presence of this energy within me that is remarkable.  That is a beautiful outcome. This is showing me yet again the complex reciprocity between all aspects of the light body (yes, heart is open and clear, but when the root is clear, the heart can know continuously what it could only feel in peak states previously).  It also gives me an unexpected level of hope and excitement about clearing up the two other blocked areas in the root that I can feel vividly. This last release helped to confirm what I had felt in my body before laying eyes on a meridian chart, which was a cluster of points (and blocks in each) that corresponds to an acupuncture meridian that has three points along it.   That is pretty cool, I think, because it shows that those Chinese who helped develop these charts really knew their energy centers and could feel them like I do. It’s almost as if I can see them talking now, “Xiao, I feel resistance right here in my hip!”
“Write it down on the chart! A new point! Now let us observe if anyone else has it and what its nature is!”

 

With each release, there is also sometimes a certain kind of confusion over why I am feeling the emotional reaction that I am feeling.  Often, for me at least, a few days before a block lets go, I begin feeling all kinds of emotions that are tied to the block….except I don’t know in the beginning that it is associated with that block.  I just feel all this emotion and I wonder if I am just “in a mood” or just what is going on!  But, as is often the case, my mind turns to the possibility that it is a block releasing and it is then that I quietly observe and just do as I have always done, which is the work to help the block go ahead and release.  In some cases, physical movement helps this.  Shaking, massage (deep tissue), breath work, and some other somatic work can help.  In this case, actually feeling the emotion and seeing where the block happened, can in some cases help me to realize its origin and to just let it go by flushing the emotion in my system partly by processing the emotion more fully.  In this case, this meant feeling such an intense mix of emotions was what took place.  Over the period of one day, this emotion kept coming up.  In moments through the day I mourned the loss of something I knew were texts that were  central to understanding how to help people to wake up.  And the narrative changed considerably after that date as Orthodoxy stretched out its limiting hand on Christian thought.  In its origins, what these people had was nothing short of explosive, and it was largely lost to time until about 60 years ago when some of them were recovered.  But how do you explain to people who don’t get it how important these books were?  Most often, people’s eyes glaze over when they are confronted with something someone says is important Christian thought.  But this was itself a different Christianity, an aspect that never made its way to the light of day.  I have had people criticize my thesis on this because, well, they only know what they know as a result of what Orthodoxy has handed down to them.  But this….this was something powerful, and there were people who had a clear view and understanding of it.  What it means is that human experience is human experience.  This prefigures ALL religion because an awakening is NOT Christian or Hindu or Muslim or Sufi or Native American.  Each has its unique cultural coloring, but its all like Rumi said, just water.  We all argue over the water in one bottle over another, simply because the labels are different.  But really, they all come from the same well, the same source.  We all experience it the same way the world over.  This is what people have a hard time coming around to.  But it is the truth.  It is also what will set us free. We all are seeing the same light. Our water all has the same source. Call it heresy if you must, so we all must face a common heresy because we are made by the same one who created the truth that we call heresy.

 

We don’t often feel a connection to the church because, it lost its own connection with the truth….or an important aspect of it.  The church has much good to say, some about a glorious garden whose keys to they themselves have lost. And it is here, in the midst of this, that I have been set free.  Here, the flow of life force is so strong, I am excited over getting the rest of the blocks cleared so that I can know a greater peace and a field of undisturbed bliss.  It is already better than it has ever been before.  
It is interesting to see how it will affect those who have been caught up in karma contrary to my own who have not themselves come to the truth of their own soul. And really, who knows.  It is their story.  I have my own, and in the end, we are each like flowers opening before the light of this new day, aren’t we?  Isn’t this a pretty amazing time?  And no matter what happens, we each know that at the least, we helped to bring the collective to a point of greater realization than has happened in a very long time.  It would be nice to continue just to witness even bigger miracles on the world stage. I suspect that in the next six months, we will be in for a very bumpy ride.  All of it, though, will be the collective consciousness coming to grips with many of the issues that still dog it. Some will see the change coming and miss understand the forces at work seeking to work it’s own agenda. If that sounds cryptic, hang on because the last leg holding up our economic table is about to be assaulted. And soon! This will unfold in such a way that someone who could have brought great change will be, very likely will be, neutered in effectiveness. If events unfold as I feel they will, this event is soon upon us.

 

Not long ago I was gifted with a reading by a really great person who works with ancient systems of knowledge and divination.  I know how that might sound, but when I talked to him, I explained that I never felt like I could do the work he was saying I would be doing because I had not fully cleared my field.  I have just always felt that before I do healing work with others, I need to be clear.  He explained that I needed to begin the work now because doing the work would get me to where I needed to be.  He had his ideas about what this would look like, but in doing this work with this book, which he didn’t see as playing a very big role in my future work, I have found that it has helped to do just what he was saying my work would do, which is to get me to that place of clarity.  While I have some ideas about what I am interested in delving into to help others, I don’t know what this will look like in specific because spirit always has a way of bringing me all the right events and opportunities in unbelievably synchronistic ways. So we will see how that unfolds, but by giving it the room it needs, the higher self will express itself as it needs to, with elbow room and with me not meddling too much in what I think it needs to look like. Maybe you have a few experiences with how that has worked out in your own life?

 

And all of this happening on the eve of my birthday.  I think I picked a great time to be born; a time when everything in the world is waking up, peeking out as new life.  How juicy it is to feel new life in me, right along with new life in the world.
Until next time…
-Parker

yoanu.comSource:  yoanu.com

 

Do you find yourself having trouble with much of the music out there today that gets airplay over the radio waves? Do you find yourself having trouble with your old play lists that you listened to before awakening? Old favorites that have just….fallen away?

Oh so much changes, doesn’t it? I know that at a certain point in my process, I could no longer watch certain movies or even listen to certain kinds of music. So much of our world is drenched in this vibration of hardness, and it shows in the music we listen to. I recently began to reflect on all of the really great music that I have listened to over the last ten years that helped me to find a place to be where I could still listen to music without going into the wrong kind of overwhelm.

 

So if that has been the case for you, I have a treat or two hiding in here for you!

 

I have a list. It is in truth, a lot of different stuff, but its been selected because it has at different periods of time, helped to support me in my process.  Some days, I just could not listen to ANYTHING deeply rhythmic because, awakening.  But other times, I NEEDED that deep beat.   But mostly?  I needed something that wasn’t drenched in the drama and BS of popular culture. Some of the music is great for work, yoga, meditation practice (if you use music at all) and for just getting around through the day. I have selected out all of the things that didn’t put me in a funk and that usually tend to lift me up or helps to put me in one great zone or another (some very quiet and subtle). I don’t know about you, but my tastes range all over the place, and what suits me one day does not work the next. I have all kinds of play lists often just to suit the mood. So the list….it ranges all over the place, too. I hope you can pick up a few things to add to your sonic tool box. So sharpen your pencil, take down some names and head over to i-Tunes to listen to the free samples, or try them on YouTube.

 

This is not an exhaustive list by any means, and there is a lot that is not included because it might only be one great song on one album, but this should be something to get you started on a new sonic-mind space groove. Note: everything I am listing, except for a few noted exceptions, can be found on i-Tunes. Injoy!

 

What’s your favorite music these days?  Care to share?  I’m expanding my list on a daily basis and would love to hear from you.

 

 

 

Elephant Revival. An eclectic blend of styles rooted in folk, but without slavery to instrumental styles that hem them in. My favorites from their most recent album Petals are Peace Tonight, Petal.



Their album These Changing Skies is their second most recent album and it’s worth taking a look/listen because the sound is a little different in some ways, while staying true to their quiet calming meditative music. In some ways, there are songs on this album I like even more than their most recent Petals. Make sure to check out

Birds and Stars, and Down To The Sea – I do have to admit that these soft-sided works often get a little much for me; I like some variety, so Down To The Sea feels a little turned inward, but I am sure you will like it in the right pairing, right? Also, Rogue River is worth listening for a bit of unexpected bluesy variety on the same album. Rogue is a bit hard in the lyrics, though.

 

Here is a link to one of their songs on youtube:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LgHDFHzMI4

 

Jai-Jagdeesh. Taking a sudden turn into the Bakhti vibe, there is the work of Jai-Jagdeesh who blends western with Indian sensibilities. This is good for those who want longer songs, more contemplation, less just easy listening, but often delightful and uplifting. Her album I Am Thine is made up of mostly long six to eight-minute tracks that help to keep you in the groove. I liked the first song on the album Aad Guray Nameh. And while the title track I Am Thine might be pretty popular, I liked Om Namah Shivaya Raam more because it departed from the more mellow rhythms and had a more bluesy feel, which is always interesting to me from a creative standpoint. Her earlier album Of Heaven and Earth has a little more upbeat feeling overall, and might be worth a listen.

 

Bachan Kaur is another artist whose work seems to be designed for yoga. Her album Anahata has a very folk feel, but this is not because it has traditional folk instrumentals, often just a guitar and a sitar in the background. Her work is spare, but if you want to have a fifteen minute tune, her work could be just the ticket.

 

Mirabai Ceiba is a duo that blends an interesting range of instrumental styles. I found myself grasping for a way to describe their sound. The best I can say is that it is a Celtic-meets-Latin feel. I find that I’d like their work without the singing because the instruments shine so beautifully on their own. Their albums Sevati, and their most recent Sacred Love Meditations, along with several others, are all on i-Tunes.

 

Matisyahu is less meditative music as it is something with a positive message. It has a reggae backbone, toss in some world, and you are done. Light is one of his recent releases and personally, I like the track on Light, One Day the best.

 

Trevor Hall has a great message, and isn’t into the trancy eight minute journey’s, which means that Trevor is a bit like Matisyahu not so much in style, but in that they have a rhythmic instrumental style that lacks the rawness often present in music of this type. I like Trevors music a lot and I find I pepper my play lists with his stuff when I need to break up the longer “trancy” stuff with something that has a nice beat. His last two albums Kala and Chapter of the Forest are two you should start with and explore his earlier work from there. I wouldn’t call his work yoga music though. Its really nice thoughtful music with soul.

 

This is his Youtube channel:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96SGUEnI2uw&list=PL11s0VhvKvosz9kjROX5j11NrnP8meHCJ

 

In a similar kind of rockin’ vein is Michael Franti. Again, his stuff might be too fast for some yoga, but his message is supportive and strong with his hi-hop reggae blended style. In fact, his music is often really great to dance to. His most recent album is Soulrocker.

 

Deva Premal was music I listened to when I did my Qi Gong practice. Her music has a contemporary backbone but well within the New Age style. The focus is on her voice, which she uses very well for create rich landscapes that can help carry you along in your work. It tends to be faster tempo than, say Bachan Kaur. If you want a really wild sound scape, try her Tibetan Mantras for Turbulent Times. This album is most definitely for trance work, if you ask me. Much of her work tends to be mantras sung in the Sanskrit.

 

NOT ON I-TUNES: Now for one that might be hard to get to, but at a certain point in my work, especially meditation and Qi Gung, Vyas Huston’s Victory Over Death fit the bill. It’s a bit severe sounding sometimes, but when its good, it can be really good. I copied the file twice and burned a disc for listening for long periods since it is one giant circle of mantra (but somehow, it doesn’t listen as repetitive because of how the phrases are paced out with the music). And to be fair, he isn’t singing mantras, but reciting a prayer whose words can be found on other sites dealing with Huston and his work.   I was introduced to his work by my teacher Robin and I was able to copy his disc. If you do Thai Chi or Chi Gung, you might see how the pacing of his recitation works really well with the moves of Qi Gung (which my teacher Robin presented to the rhythm of his piece, which is almost half an hour long-perfect for getting in a number of important moves in the Gung).

 

When I went looking for his work on i-Tunes, it didn’t show up, and honestly besides a Youtube video, I am not sure where to tell you to go to get it (if you like it). Vyas is mentioned on the internet here and there, so maybe you can get lucky (and maybe share back here for a link?). Let me know what you think of his work! Until then, this is the link to the youtube that has the piece on it (and a few images that are a dead-ringer for places where I live):

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv4DcBDNwI8

 

 

Moksha (featuring Kanchman Babbar). If you want something in a similar and perhaps more traditional vein, try these Vedic chants by a chorus of 21 Brahmins. Just type “Moskha” in i-Tunes and it should be the first choice that comes up and give it a try. All of the chants are done in a pitch and style that does not vary except the mantras being chanted.

 

Odesza. So nice. One album worth listening to is In Return. First track: Always This Late. This is not meditation music per se, but its great texture and a sonic landscape for….running, working on writing (if the vibrations match what you are doing), cleaning, dancing (?)and heck, maybe even an active yoga routine. Check them out and let me know what you think. Very upbeat, bright, and lovely vocals with a definite electronic backbone to it all. I own their work.

 

 

Emancipator. Another electronic trance groove kind of sound-scape in a similar vein as Odesza. See their album Seven Seas, safe In the Steep Cliffs, and Soon It Will Be Cold Enough. I like their stuff. I have a few of their songs, too!

 

Peter Gabriel. I know, “isn’t he that pop artist who was once with Genesis and did Shock the Monkey?” Yes! If you listen to his music, you will find that all of his work has a driving desire towards awareness. He is a modern Gnostic in my book with his revealing More Than This. He is a kind of revealer of important issues concerning our place in the world. While his music has hit the charts and has had a lot of play, giving his music a listen to revealed, at least to me, a great depth of comprehension about spiritual issues. His album Growing Up, which was also released as a DVD of his live concert (in France, if I remember correctly).   While his work with Genesis was more in the pop/rock vein, his work began to mature once he broke from the band. Some of his work gets hard and even edgy, but some of his songs, like Signal To Noise are dealing with the issue of disinformation and seeking truth. His music was indispensible at a certain phase in my awakening. Blood of Eden speaks to the union of the opposites in consciousness.

 

  1. IZ. Also known as Israel Kamakawiwo’ole, Iz is Polynesian and has a beautiful melodic voice that he matches with equally sensitive lyrics. Iz is no longer with us, but he has left a number of albums like Facing Future, and Alone in IZ World. His is a Hawaiian experience.

 

Yoga Music Co. These folks create music expressly for yoga. Might be worth a try. If you want a quick intro, you can go to youtube:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ij28wzJMijI

 

I am not sure if they are i-Tunes but their web site is www.yougamusicco.com. I liked what I heard!

 

For that matter, there are a number of channels on youtube now with music like Yoga Music, so it might be worth a listen and a little seeking to find things that you like.

 

Deborah Van Dyke is a chanter and her work is, as you might have guessed, very repetitive, but these are mantras after all.

 

In a more melodic and musical vein is the work of Donna De Lory, a mix of English and Sanskrit language styling.

 

So what music do you like? Please feel free to share and we can make a nice list for others in desperate need of a sonic transformation!

 

Until next time,

 

-Parker

I am quietly undertaking a project of educating myself more broadly concerning early Christianity because of an experience I had during the early stages of my awakening. Already this effort is forming into a book. I think I have something to show that is important about Christianity that appears to have been lost. It is to my mind the greatest story never told. 

This story has roots in my early childhood when I had what I thought was a rather odd feeling about the church. I grew up in the church, and I had a deep inward conviction that something had been hidden at some point by it. This of course was a very strange thing to feel growing up. As a child I had no reason why I felt this way. It was almost as though I had known something, had seen something,  and woke up one day with amnesia and could not remember why I thought what I did…except that I did

I kept this feeling secret for years because it seemed so utterly random and a bit strange. It would make much more sense once I began to experience awakening though.

Growing up, I searched along the margins of Christian thought wondering if I might find something that would support why I felt the way I did about something having been hidden. I reasoned that if the church had hidden something, clues might likely exist along these margins, those areas which everyone says are forbidden, but can’t give you a good reasoned answer for beyond that this is what everyone else thinks. So not being a person who thinks that everything we believe is the gospel, I trudged along in life, drawn along by this thinnest of threads that refused to break under the strain of credulity that I put to it. 
I read the Apocrypha and bought the “lost books” of the Bible. Nothing ever rang any bells for me, however. Not until 2006 when I published a piece of writing to an online community that detailed an aspect of my earliest brushes with awakening, did I begin to make a series of discoveries that upended my understandings about God and Christianity. 

Someone I knew from that online community suggested I read the Coptic Gospel of Thomas because what I had written sounded very similar to passages in Thomas.  In my early seeking I had never come across Thomas. How had I missed it? The answer may have been due in part because the first published translations of Thomas were not available until the early ’70s, and it was slow in spreading into the mainstream. It would take years for scholars to study them, to begin making sense of how it fit into the Christian narrative. Somehow, I had completely missed Thomas and the other books that comprised what is known today as the Nag Hammadi Library (NHL).

When I read Thomas, my jaw hit the floor. Passages in my writing were nearly identical to those in Thomas. When I laid the two beside each other I saw that the content was eerily similar. How could this be? I was describing the essence of ecstatic union with a force that lives in all things, that expresses itself creatively, that renews itself using the creativity of the physical-sexuality-to realize a higher dimensional understanding of the divine which is also ecstatic and which mirrors the sexual experience but in a spiritual way without the flesh. The two were transformed in such an experience (spiritual and physical unions) when the true essence of the spirit was known. Thomas spoke of a left hand becoming the right, the left eye becoming the right eye, joined, as well as the outer joined to the inner as a way to know the kingdom. “No way!” I thought. I had written essentially the same passage without ever having read or known of Thomas before. Could I had stumbled onto something incredibly important, but hidden, that was terribly inconvenient to church dogma but that laid down a secret door into the holiest of experiences?

No one knew this because the keys to it had been hidden and locked tight behind the watchful eye of the religion that shunned all talk of union with God as having anything that could be coincident, or similar to, sex. So naturally no one ever went there. Isn’t sex dirty and not of God, after all? No, sure, at least they would point out that God had, after all, created sex. But the real story lay in every heart: it would damn you to hell if you ever thought of God in this way. And of course, this would mean the boys would all have to be gay, which is unthinkable! No, this was all because someone had left out the stuff native to us AND to God.
As my awakening continued to unfold, I went back to the NHL and continued to find books that spoke directly to my experience in awakening. The Gospel of Phillip was discovered and I saw in his words the very thing that I knew all those years but could not put it to word. Its implications were explosive, and I knew that given where the world was as a whole, there was no way it would hear the truth. It had been busy hiding it for close to two thousand years.

Before I found the NHL I didn’t know what was happening to me. I didn’t know that it was called awakening, I only knew something big was happening, “a horse of another color” was how I thought of it at the time. I was a blank slate. I was free to observe the unfolding of this energy in me without any presuppositions to color my observations. 

Sitting in meditation, I felt a dual force that was in the energy rising up through my body. This dual force felt like a positive and negative energy, but alive and aware if itself. As this energy merged in my body, bliss grew to incredible heights. It felt like the union of a man and a woman, and that was just what I called them. As I progressed through the experience, I could feel the creation of a third and distinct energy that seemed to arise from the energetic union of these two seeming opposites in my awareness. This third energy was transcendent and it filled my body and mind in such a way that I felt myself being changed, transformed. I called this energy “the child” because it came about through a merging of the two in blissful union (spiritually). I began to know things that I had no way to know when I learned how to let this third energy propagate itself in my very being.  If I put my mind to any area of interest my mind felt as though it was accessing some database or library of knowledge that existed everywhere. The state of my consciousness, through this third energy, was making this possible. To top it off, I was aware that I was learning about how the universe was composed at the atomic level, a great secret I thought, I was privy to, until I found that what I had seen was described quite well in a branch of physics called quantum mechanics. While I learned about quantum mechanics in college, the sum of my familiarity with it was encapsulated in the phrase having to do with how the act of observation changed the outcome of an event. That was all I really knew about it, that is, until my inner fireworks began to take form in me. My experiences were much more vivid and detailed than anything in a book because I didnt think it, I became it. I felt the forces that were serving to form the universe that we know, and it was all really quite wonderful. What I had seen took in large swaths of realization, and it would take reading up on Plank, Bohr, and Heisenberg in order to realize that I was on to the same things that had occupied them for years. This is not to boast, but to show the potential that exists for humans to make extraordinary leaps in realization. I wasn’t a physicist. Imagine if a physicist could see as I saw, what could we discover? 
I was experiencing the “secret” knowledge that is a part of the awakening experience. The so-called Gnostics or early Christians were describing it, and as I continued to research, the Hindus had also described this as a facet of awakening.

When I read the Gospel of Phillip I realized that the triadic nature of my experience was being described in the pages of his gospel. The language was clear and unambiguous: two were joined in the Bridal Chamber, and out of it came the Christ. So simple, but elegant. They were describing my experience! Further, they were revealing the masculine and feminine aspects of the divine. The father and the mother were joined together (mirroring how the experience of ecstatic spiritual union which has its closest counterpart as  physical sexual union). But unlike plain physical sex, this union took your whole being in an embrace with a power or energy that was at once sentient but vast, a kind of ladder that allowed one to “ascend” into higher and higher levels if realization of what this union is for us. Clearly this “God” had no qualms, guilt, or shame in expressing itself in this way with us. You could say I swallowed hard at that point as I realized the truth. I knew that most believers in Christianity would not take any of this kindly. It asked us each to dive right into all that we are, including our sexual nature’s, in order to know this experience. Christianity, though, was built on shame with original sin and a pretense about our souls and bodies needing to be chaste for God. How had we gotten it wrong, I wondered? Had someone mentioned chastity at some point and it’s context had been mistaken somehow? God as I knew it was taking me whole and was connecting into me at my most basic and intimate of levels.

The questions that arise from the disconnect between what I was experiencing and what Christianity had been teaching for two thousand years. These questions formed the basis of a search that has led me to examine early Christianity to perhaps understand how the greatest story never got told. 

As it stands, the NHL is described as Gnostic, which is a way to differentiate it from the canonical Gospels in terms of content. It is also a way to dispense with the teachings as somehow heretical or unacceptable. Certainly anyone owning and teaching Thomas in 500 AD would have been branded a heretic by the church. But what do scholars know about these books? What do we know about the history of the early church and how the Gospels were written? 

My search is revealing that there is a lot to support the idea that the sayings of Jesus were used by many different groups, all with very different agendas and grasps of the teachings. For some, the most central teachings for realizing union with the divine was left out, altered, either intentionally or simply due to ignorance. Over time many people contributed to the loss of the central message and this is where my book will show people how it most likely happened. I will be using the work of other imminent scholars as well as my own discovery to write a book that turns the responsibility for cleaving to authority to the individual. If anyone is going to know this great secret, the reader will have to put down the books with all of the authorities and begin by inquiring within. Just like the kingdom is in you, so too is the ultimate authority residing in you. Certainly this was not something the church was keen on having its followers realize.

But it’s time. And this is why I am writing this book. It is also why I am writing so much about it on the blog because earliest Christianity was about awakening to the divine that is in us. It has much to teach us if we will but listen.

With the coming of our last lunar alignment in Pisces came a sudden turning within. 
For a few years I have thought of an informal gathering to discuss awakening in a Western context for any and all who are interested in knowing more. While the thought stirred, I knew I was not yet ready for a host of reasons. Some were simple reasons; I have been making renovations in my home and rooms were in flux and not amenable to a comfortable setting. I was myself going through so much change from one moon to the next…it was hard to know how I’d feel once I settled on a time.
All of this became a part of the past and a new feeling emerged; I remember being a young teen and how I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall at just such a meeting. I knew that the time was right and rich with possibility. With a large alternative community of back to the land folks, old and new hippies, yoga teachers, workshop coordinators and teachers, as well as a rich community of healers of every stripe, I knew it was time.
So I called my friend Diane and we had a chat. We got caught up and as usual, one or the other brought up a random tidbit that the other was looking for. That’s been how our talks have been over the years. Both with their own complimentary experience, I knew I wanted to bring her, or someone like her, to be a part of a dream of mine. 
We settled on a date in April and the posters are made. We will be sending the word out through the community to announce this meeting soon. The hope is to help raise awareness, discuss widely, and enjoy community of those brought together by a common interest.
While the date and time is planned, I have found staying open to the possibilities has always resulted in the most interesting of engagements.
As the Spring moon continues to usher in beginnings and makes ripe so much, I look foward to, and will be reporting back, on how our meeting has gone. Free, with no cost, no agenda save a purpose to help raise awareness at this critical time, it feels like the perfect thing to do.


In 2008 I began a correspondence with a gifted healer who shared an understanding of energy and it’s benefits for us as human beings. I was recovering from an injury that had also served to help accelerate awakening, forcing me to remain still as my body healed.

It was against this backdrop that Ali and I discussed awakening and the many ways we can all learn to use this force in us to heal. She had already used her gift to let me know about a healer and teacher in my area who would help me significantly in accelerating my healing process. While she didn’t know the name of the person, she provided a description that her guidance was providing. I found out about this person the next day when a family friend invited me to come to a healing session with a person who sounded just like the person Ali had described the day before (from the other side of the continent). This led to an accelerated period of releasing stored emotion that is lodged in the energy body and appears to have a relationship to the body tissues as well.
A few months into this work as Ali and I were talking she begins to explain that her guides are telling her to do something. They don’t explain, they just tell her to trust them and to do as they instruct. I was to get off the phone, breathe deep and keep my mind calm. I had no idea what was about to happen.
So I complied. I was standing in the kitchen when I felt what I can only describe as a buoyant state of lightness and relief. I felt relieved of what I was aware as a certain degree of Painbody. Painbody is the energetic equivalent of the emotional energy that we have each stuffed down inside ourselves. This energy, since it was never fully felt, is stored and remains like a tape or program that can play over and over whenever events like the one that originally triggered it, triggers it anew…over and over. This condition lasts until the stored material is dispensed with once and for all through what are often deep states of meditation and willingness to just let it go once and for all.
The buoyancy was nice and I wondered what was happening. Then, after about a minute of this feeling, I felt what I knew was my old painbody….. except that as it returned to me, it felt as though I was being hit by a train. All of the Painbody that had left me came screeching back all around me. It was one of the most startling experiences I had up until that point in time.
What the heck happened, I wondered…
The way I was feeling Painbody was different now. In those minutes after it returned, I thought I was going to crumple from the pain. What I would realize in the aftermath of this event was that Ali had “adopted” my energy body signature and it looked like I had adopted hers. Where I felt relief, she described feeling like she was going to throw up. Her skin felt clammy, the pain was intolerable. She wondered how I made it through each day.
The truth was, I had grown numb to my own accumulation of inner pain, and this “switch” brought me back to a normal level of sensitivity. I was now feeling more acutely than I had before.
I felt my own energy body in a new way after this. I had daily pain, pain that I felt much more clearly and vividly. For as bad as all of this seemed at the time, it was a saving grace for me. If I had not had what amounted to a “reset” of my energetic sense of the presence of my own Painbody, I might not have had as much of a motivator to clear it all up. But clear it up I did. What choice did I have, right? Wincing through a pain in my heart, I got motivated to do more work.
I have spent years on this journey attending to every bit of this stored material and I have become aware of how we continue to store more of it even as we slough off decades of old ghosts from our past. 
In truth, by having my senses upgraded as they were in that day back in 2008, I was able to feel everything I needed to in order to heal. I think of it as a form of spiritual honesty expressed through feeling. It has helped me to detect the smallest of impediments and allowed me to focus on them for healing and release. All of this took place in just such a way as it needed to because if we both had known what we were in store for, I’m not sure either one of us would have agreed to it. It may have been the perfect therapy for me if I was to really see and feel ALL of it.
It’s been nine years since then, and I have been busy at work. Since then I have eliminated nearly all of the Painbody, layer by layer, energy center by energy center. I am thankful for having this level of sensitivity because I doubt I would have been able to feel where all the material was stored away inside of me. As I write this, I feel a triple twinge in my right hip that, as it turns out, corresponds to three acupuncture points along one meridian. Like a small traffic jam, I have been working the last three years on clearing the blocks there, like digging through rock strata a layer at a time. Each release bring greater flow, a clearer mind/body/heart and a change in feeling. 
I know that this hip block corresponds to the most recent feeling of loss I felt during what became a fractious divorce with my ex many years ago and led to the alienation of one of my children from me. It’s not been easy to learn how to forgive my ex for behaving in such a petty mean-spirited way. But even as I say this, I know that I entangled myself in my ex’s broken story and can’t be surprised that I might have become a casualty of it. 
The next step in healing asks the most from me. Unless I do that, it’s enough to attract, like moths to the flame, other people who are broken in exactly the same way. It already has, and there’s nothing worse than having to face the same level of emotional dishonesty in people who are unable to own how they hurt those around them.
It seems that in order to forgive, to do it with my whole being and not just with my head or voice, requires the most of what I am. It seems this is required for something as hard to heal as something like that.
Whatever our stories, the journey from a suffering road to one of pure bliss remains as the road we each will walk. I’m very fortunate to have gotten “reset” when I did. I don’t know if it’s for everyone, but Ali’s guides were right.
So I would say, our ability to feel may have no end. How numbed have you gotten in your life? Awakened? Very excellent; are you really feeling as deeply and as honestly as you could? Do you feel like you are on pause, waiting and waiting for that next release to go ahead and complete itself? Go into breath and sink into yourself in quiet contemplation and ask your heart if there is more to be known, if there is a deeper story to be felt within your capacity to sense and feel deeper yet. The answer might surprise you, and it could free you, too.
Until next time…

In a recent post I wrote about a discovery I had made that has formed the genesis of a book on the subject of early Christianity and its mystic roots.  This discovery is not discernible through the canonical gospels, and requires a certain level of understanding in order to “get it.”  Rather than being a theory, it is more a certainty to my mind because of the language used and the level of understanding in those documents which I first accessed.  This is akin to a kind of “key” to understanding the language of what was, originally, the teachings that drove to the innermost realms of understanding union with the divine.  To this I direct you to the often spoken words by Jesus, “I am one with the father” or “I and the father are one.”  This, however, is just the tip of an iceberg of sorts that nearly all scholars have been unable to understand.

 

Passers by  incorrectly assume that I am somehow drawing from the canonical gospels.  I do draw from them, but I also understand that there are important impediments built into the gospels that keep much of the deeper knowledge either obscure, or entirely absent.  This is due to a number of factors, and these will be covered in my manuscript.  While it is highly simplistic, what I will show is that what seems to have happened with the gospels in canon is similar to a game called “Payphone.”  In this game, people sit in a circle and one person in the circle gives the person next to them a specific message.  This message is exact in its wording, is recorded for proof later, and once this is done, the message is then sent around the circle.  The more people in the circle, the more likely the message once it reaches the last person in the circle, will bear little resemblance to the original message.  Am I saying that the problem with the gospels is simply a matter of misconstruing the language somehow?  Yes, in some cases, it most certainly was this. But there is more to it than just this.  First, those who repeat the message do not understand the message to begin with, and begin using words that were never in the original message.  Simplistic, yes, but to a degree, accurate.

 

In the last post on this topic, I discussed what was perhaps the biggest impediment to getting the message conveyed to the canonical gospels, and this was a matter of language. Jesus taught using Aramaic and the gospels were written in Greek.  This might not seem a big thing on the surface of it, but if you understand just how different Greek is from Aramaic, you can begin to appreciate the challenges inherent in such an enterprise.

 

Another impediment to understanding the gospels has to do with the issue of some of the disciples having different teachings.  In the orthodox church the belief has been that Jesus did not hide any teachings from anyone, that he shared them freely to all who would listen.  But the problem is, the evidence does not support this. In fact, in gospels recently discovered, specifically the Gospel of Mary Magdalene, we can witness Peter speaking to Mary Magdalene and asking her to tell the rest of the disciples the teachings he imparted to her that he had not shared with the rest of the group. We also witness Thomas in his own gospel imparting sayings by Jesus that are different from other teachings in the other gospels.  Yes, there are teachings or sayings by Jesus in Thomas that are very similar or even identical to canonical gospels, but there is more there, also.

 

Early Church writers such as Origen, wrote about how to get the deeper teachings.  In Origen’s work, he directs the reader to pay attention to those instances when Jesus is teaching to large groups and then departs, with his followers asking after him clarification for what he was teaching.  Jesus gladly explains in greater detail, and instead of speaking in parables, tries to speak “directly.”  Jesus actually says that he speaks to the public in one way but speaks to his disciples in another way, which is befitting their level of understanding.

 

This way of teaching is mirrored in Valentinus’s way of teaching in the first century.  To understand the importance that this has, see how close Valentinus was to the secret teachings.  Valentinus was one teacher removed from what was described as the inner teachings of Paul. His teacher learned directly from Paul. Paul claimed revelation by way of a vision of Jesus who he said had imparted the secret knowledge to him.  Paul also knew some of the disciples even though he never met Jesus physically while Jesus was on the earth.  Valentinus went on to teach in a manner that was based on the way this secret knowledge had been conveyed; there was a multi-tiered approach in order to first educate, prepare, and then initiate the developing follower into the greater mysteries that was divine union.  To understand the secrecy, the final teachings were described as being like the Holy of Holies in the Jewish temple.  The Holy of Holies was a place that was visited in secret, and was kept from the eyes of the “great unwashed.”  The saying by Jesus, “pearls before swine” is operative here.  You could not hope to understand of grasp these deeper mysteries without being prepared.  As a result of this, it appears that Jesus did provide teachings to some disciples that he did not give to others.  Jesus knew what he was doing.

 

When Peter asks Mary to convey to the rest of the group assembled the teachings that Jesus gave her, Peter denounces her once she is finished.  Here we see Jesus’s reasoning for imparting these teachings to Mary and not to Peter; one was ready for a certain teaching  while others were not, which Peter and his brother Andrew clearly illustrate by their ignorance cloaked in incredulity.  While Peter may have been a chauvinist and perhaps even jealous of Mary’s knowledge, the teachings may well have gone completely over his head too.  I contend that this is why the teachings in these books have gone over the modern scholar’s heads, too.  To understand them, you need to have someone who has been initiated, or prepared for the revelations.  While this may sound elitist, in truth, it has nothing at all to do with elitism.  These teachings are there before anyone willing to read and take them into their hearts, minds, and even bodies.  You have to have initiated a clear channel to the divine and this channel can be known by those who know how to test and look for evidence of it.

 

There are other direct hints that Jesus imparted some teachings to some and not others.  In Thomas, for example, Jesus speaks privately with Thomas for a time, after which some of the disciples walk up to him asking him what he had been told.  What Thomas says is telling.  He says that if he were to tell them what Jesus had said, they would surely stone him!  We don’t know what Jesus said to Thomas, but assuming that Thomas understood the message, it may well have been construed as being blasphemous, even by his own fellow disciples!   While we don’t have a lot of these examples we have enough, I think, to show that the secret teachings were meant for those who were ready.  As a result, you would not expect to find a wealth of examples of Jesus teaching in secret because he probably would not have been seen teaching this way by others.

 

It is also possible that Jesus taught in a way that was more in line with the Valentinian model, which was that he taught to the masses and then waited for those who were mystified and wanted to know more, to follow after him.  This is what Origen certainly has suggested.  If the Valentinian model was reflective of what actually went down, then it makes sense that people were indeed given a curriculum that prepared them for the rarefied experience of divine union.  Again, you didn’t just throw pearls to swine, lest they be trampled underfoot. Jesus may well have been revealing enough to the public that those who felt moved to learn more were able to, and may have been driven to.  This would be one way to vet your followers in a sense, not to exclude them, but to simply wet ones interest and see who follows after, hoping, perhaps hungering, to know more.

 

In my own work, I bring in my own experience as one who has been initiated, branded by spirit, who opened the doors within to glimpse the divine.  I do not proclaim this proudly, only clearly, and explain how it is that we can all know the revelation, the apocalypitc message that is inherent in the experience. This is a process that is open to anyone, but in every single tradition in the world, the process of divine union comes about through preparation.  While I did not have a teacher, I awakened myself through a series of very blessed events that all took place in what I can only think was somehow coordinated. This “divine conspiracy” to awaken me led me into the innermost core of the very heart of what divine union entails.  As a result, what I found was that the way that I managed to awaken was actually described, word for word, by Jesus.  Indeed.  But these words were not contained in the canonical gospels.  Hidden away for over 1600 years, these came to light and are moving many to rethink ancient Christianity. As a result, my telling you about it would be like Mary speaking to Peter about her expeirence.  You would not believe it.  And this is perhaps as it should be; you cannot “get” this by way of reading books or hearing teachings only.  You have to do something more than just that.  You have to be able to take a cognitive leap, a  leap of faith that lands you in a state of being that begins to remake you, renovates, renews, heals, and resurrects a latent or hidden part of the self which no one knows until it happens to them.

 

This way to the divine, however, is not exclusive the Christianity.  It is, and has been, available to all regardless of their faith.  This is one of the biggest hurdles for those within the church who may have been brought up to believe that when Jesus said “only by me” that he meant that they had to accept him as savior.  The problem is that when Jesus said this, he meant it because there was not another person who had attained what he had attained at that time.  He was the only bona fide conveyor for the depths of that which could lead men and women to salvation.  Instead of this being an outward event, a kingdom that one reaches for, it was found entirely within.  Phillip in his gospel explains that what Jesus was doing was making his followers into Christs.  But you would not know this unless this consciousness had streamed through you and begun its work.  While this may sound strange to some in the church, consider that Jesus also said in the canonical gospels that his followers would do even greater things than he.  This is fitting for a man who wanted to impart a certain level of consciousness to his followers.

 

The result of this impedement, as well as others, which I will be covering in my work, it resulted in the greatest story never told.  It is time to tell it.

Recently I shared with you a project I undertook as the result of a realization I had during the course of my early awakening related to early Christian texts and how it was that I saw a big elephant in the room that had managed not to make its way to the canonical Gospels. 

My first big question as I made this realization was “why?” The answer has pulled in a number of reasons, not just one, which is one reason why I have been moved to undertake this project. It is a fascinating story, and it helps to bring early Christian thought back to where it needs to be, in my estimation, which is a complete system not only for being, but for becoming more than we thought possible. 

The first, and perhaps most important layer or impediment to deeper realization of what Christ was teaching is the barrier of language and culture. The original teachings were conveyed in Aramaic while the Gospels that we now know were written in Greek. To understand how different the languages are, it helps to study both, which I am doing. The problem as it exists is that Aramaic is a language that is highly contextual and it does not have all the same words that Greek has. Greek, on the other hand is less context driven and is more precise in some ways, but it’s precision comes at a cost when translating the Aramaic Jesus spoke. 

To understand what I mean, I will provide you with an example. Greek often will identify concepts in great detail, resulting in a sense, for example, that the heart, mind, soul, higher self, and heaven, are separate things. In Aramaic, the sense of division is not so precise and since that is so, how ideas are conveyed are done so in a different way. Instead of the kingdom being in you, the term also means that it is among you, a delineation that it does not create while the Greek can, or does. Further, the concept of God in Greek is a masculine usage while the Aramaic includes aspects of both male and female. You might wonder how this impacts our understanding of the Greek compared to how we might understand the Aramaic. The answer is “plenty.”

In the Greek we have Jesus saying, “I am one with the father.” However, in early documents such as the Nag Hammadi, he is clearly referring to a masculine AND feminine deity when he says “father and mother.” 
While these are strange ideas to most within Christianity, when tracing the message back before the Greek into Aramaic, the use of the feminine in Aramaic actually is consistent with a deity as described originally.

Maybe you are wondering what difference any of this makes. Regardless of the tradition, anyone, and I mean EVERYONE who seeks to describe something that is part of the “higher” realms in spirit, the way that it is done is never to describe it directly. Take your pick: Jesus, Buddha, or anyone else. It has to be described by way of metaphor or parable because there really is no frame of reference except our experience here in the physical. The problem is that all of these weighty things are not physical, so how do we even explain them?

What I mean is that nothing is completely literal in anyone’s descriptions. When Jesus describes the kingdom, there is one word he always uses which is the key to what I mean here. Do you know what this word is? It’s in every parable. This word is “like.” He says, “The kingdom is like….” He doesn’t say that the kingdom is a mustard seed, or a treasure buried in a field. He does this because there is no way to use physical words to describe a nonphysical and multidimensional experience. The same is true for anyone trying to describe spiritual experience. Why any of this matters is that when you change the meaning of a word, you can change the meaning and thus the understanding of important aspects of the teachings as told originally. In many ways the teaching is already handicapped by virtue of its inability to adequately describe what’s in the next world. All of this goes over people’s heads as they envision angels with trumpets perched on fluffy white clouds in a heaven that must certainly be up in the sky.  The kingdom comes, but it comes within and among you. Now think about how the people of the time were expecting a leader to come that would be the king of the Jews. They thought it was coming as a material thing, but Jesus was describing an inner event. 

To help to explain this issue with language a little more it’s good to know more about the language as used. Did you know that Jesus didn’t use the term “hell” in the Bible? “Preposterous! It plainly says so in the Bible!” my friends have said when we discuss this issue. Actually, it says hell in the Bible, but in the koine Greek, he uses the word Gahena. Gahena was a place just outside the city walls and was home to a trash heap. Instead of a place in the afterlife, he was describing something that exists here and now. This Gahena people find themselves in has important ramifications for the teaching, which is that hell is here and now. This Gahena is spiritual poverty of a sort that is right here and right now. If you took the “hell” of the Bible, I bet you were thinking of a place you go when you die if you were bad enough.

To understand how words, even just a few, can change the meaning of a passage in the Bible,  let’s look at a passage in Luke where Jesus is, we assume, talking to Peter after the crucifixion. In the passage, Jesus asks Peter if he loves him. In fact, Jesus asks Peter three times if Peter loves him. Now most Christians explain the purpose of Jesus repeating himself as a reminder to Peter of how he denied knowing Jesus three times when the Romans came for him. 


Except that isn’t what happened at all.

In the Greek Jesus asks Peter if he loves him using three different words for love, all with very different implications. He asks Peter if he loves him “agape” which is divine love. He also uses the term for familial or brotherly love. Lastly, he uses the word “eros.” In each case, Peter answers in the affirmative. Here Jesus is asking Peter if he loves him erotically, like a lover. The breadth of this love is no small love and this is no ordinary person, this Jesus. Normally, we just shrink back in either shame, denial, or disgust, but this passage demands to be understood if we are ever to know the love that is the Christ. Without that understanding, we don’t get the depth of the man nor his teachings. Without this understanding, we are left unable to reach what the Christ is. We fall instead for “Jesus Light” instead of “Jesus the deep.” As my friends would say, we were handed these books by the early church and surely it is the unerring word of God, so there’s nothing more to learn. The truth is, this isn’t true. Hard as it may be to admit to, recent discoveries have led scholars to a radical rethinking of Christology and what was and wasn’t told.

In 1945 the Nag Hammadi codices were discovered, which once translated, represented a radical rethinking of Christianity. Linguist studies have shown that what Orthodoxy called heresy was in fact the earliest teachings, not the Orthodox ones. This of course is scandalous, but points to orthodoxy as an offshoot or interpretation of the original teachings. It also helps to explain why, upon reading these codices, I found that the words written spoke perfectly of my own experience in my awakening. I am not a scholar of the Bible, but an expert in this area is and he claims the codices are describing awakening, or, as the Hindus call it; kundalini. No slouch these texts; they take you right to the garden gate, pulls out the key, and bids you enter. The difference is the cannon doesn’t do that at all. It’s inspiring, but it doesn’t show you what awakening is, which these books do. 
It was this contrast between the books as translated along with my own discovery of the Nag Hammadi that set me on the journey to understanding why a “heresy” just so happened to be describing my deep mystic union with God-dess  perfectly, and poetically. It wasn’t just a matter of style, it was content too.

For these reasons, words are important if we are to hope to capture the depths of what Jesus was teaching. Perhaps more fundamentally, the language used is incredibly important if we are to hope to capture the range of subtlety that is present in these teachings, which gets lost or mangled once we are presented with the translations into Greek.

There is much more to all of this, and in time I will be getting through it. I will show that the Jesus of the Orthodox tradition was stripped of important teachings that would have given new weight and expanded meaning to the reality in which this man dwelled. Now, more than at any time in history, we have more evidence and many more resources than we have ever had.  The result is that there is more to know, and these will be like keys to a gate that we have all been longingly looking at but not fully understanding the implications of. We were meant to open the lock!
Until then, the work continues.

by Kabir


English version by Andrew Harvey
(Originally Hindi)



The Lord is in me, and the Lord is in you,
As life is hidden in every seed.
So rubble your pride, my friend,
And look for Him within you.

When I sit in the heart of His world
A million suns blaze with light,
A burning blue sea spreads across the sky,
Life’s turmoil falls quiet,
All the stains of suffering wash away.

Listen to the unstruck bells and drums!
Love is here; plunge into its rapture!
Rains pour down without water;
Rivers are streams of light.

How could I ever express
How blessed I feel
To revel in such vast ecstasy
In my own body?

This is the music
Of soul and soul meeting.
Of the forgetting of all grief.
This is the music
That transcends all coming and going

 

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I started a project yesterday that has been nagging at me for years that involves my encounter with early Christian texts and what I have found was an effort to change the teachings of Jesus in order to appeal to a specific group of believers.  While I’d love nothing more than to have a real cloak and dagger story for the sake of excitement, what we have as historical documents is scant.  But the fix was in even during the life of Jesus in terms of who would tell the story of this man’s teachings and what that story was going to look like.  
I know I am going against 1600 years of ingrained belief and programming, but it is a story that deserves to be told.  Jesus was deep into the forces of awakening and taught about them, but either those in power wanted to hide them away, or they simply could not understand what a certain strand of his teachings even meant.  Having said this, those who had these deeper teachings were hunted relentlessly in an effort to not allow these most important of his teachings to see the light of day.  Whether by design or by ignorance, this was the result.  And this, I now know, is a fact.

 

For me, the story begins when I was young and had trouble with the church and its teachings.  For me, my trouble wasn’t as vague as some people’s problems with the church often tend to be.  In my experience, I had this very strange and unexplainable sense that the church had hidden something of great importance from the public. It is this hidden element within Christianity that made all the difference in knowing God intimately, directly. The only problem was I didn’t know why I had this sense growing up.  But like so many people I knew who were church goers or grew up in a family who went to church, something just didn’t add up. 
The story gets interesting when I began looking at early Christian documents that had not been a part of the canon of the church. I did this after a friend  saw a piece of my writing and suggested I look at a certain book because, as he explained, what I had written bore similarities to this early book.  
I was at this time going through a six month period that was for me, the time that I was waking up.  For me, it was a gradual process with a number of steps.  Clearly, I knew something was up and that I was somehow being prepared for something.  What it was, I didn’t really have a clue.  
When I first read those passages in a book that stretched back into antiquity two thousand years, I felt a familiar stirring inside of me and wanted to know more.  It would take going through a full awakening, though, for me to be able to pick out the passages that were clearly talking about awakening.  Scholars, though, described these passages as “strange teachings” and this showed clearly to me that even they didn’t understand what Jesus was getting at.  How could it be, I wondered, that I could see these for what they were and no one else could?  
In writings by a follower of Jesus, a church developed in the second century called the Valentinian church or school. They explained that only those who had attained the light would be able to understand the teachings.  Otherwise, they would seem like strange incomprehensible teachings.  Could it be, I wondered?  How could someone without a deep background in scholarly study of the Bible like me identify what they were talking about was related directly to awakening?  
Because of how the church and our world has evolved, we tend to look to learned authorities for confirmation about what is true or not true.  But these authorities are part of a system of being and thought that is part of the problem, which is of course the same problem that the early church had to begin with when they suppressed the teachings to begin with.

 

At the center of this story is a Wild spirit that if known, brings about revelation, self knowing, secret knowledge, and healing.  This is the story that should have been told.Now that the beginning work has been done, the rest is going to be more scholarly work with research and historical accounts.  Dry stuff for me, but the story is so compelling and so interesting that I think that it will turn into an interesting read once I am done with it.  Finger crossed!
This is ultimately a work of devotion in the hopes that it can help bring a paradigm shift in thinking by placing something wonderful and wild back in a central role in an understanding of the forces of awakening that are  redemptive in nature.

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