Archives for category: dream work

What a night.  I was up late because I fell asleep, but then awoke, momentarily refreshed and unable to call on the deep trance of dream.  Caught between, my mind was a flurry of waking dream images, a vast rumination running on autopilot. Like a psychedelic trip without the disorientation.


The Line


Between here

And there


And waking

Dream and dreamlessness….


This dissolves

It’s a solvent

ripping apart

taking down

those boundaries,

setting in place

A poetry of soul


And bone…


So many weep,

holding the remnant masks


For a nothingness

that came from itself

And dissolves back to its origins.



The soul rises

to its paradise

lying folded between the leaves

of lost pages



until the boundaries fall away

the mountains,

the walls,

the illusory beliefs…

as the book blooms

into a world of sweetened scent

and wonder

for the hidden

now revealed.


Your images fleeted through me

(she lay cuddled over him arms tucked in)

The words and sounds

Both of laughter

(She sits up, taking him in)

And wonderment,

Secrets only you knew

(Like a radio star; she received in pulses so fast)

Fleeted through an emptied house…

(Uncertain and dizzy with desire)

as images emerged,

Like a full-on psychedelic experience

Driven by dream

(And desire)

Focused through waking.


Strangers moved




As my mind

Balanced between worlds

Watched in wonder

As it all slipped through

My hands

like a great rushing stream.


My mind does not know what it means

Nor always to whom it belongs

It all becomes


A flurry of images

From personal lives

The soul

Linked into realms of light.

I listened as I heard the peculiarly loud vocalization last night

that sitting here now,

I hear the man next to me chirping out

exactly as it had come

in a time that came backwards

from the way it usually comes.


What secrets do any of us think we hold in worlds such as this?


But for purposes

I wonder

The chaos of our world

Slipping through the radio of my mind

As the daily broadcast is ruminated

By minds other than my own

As my own can only guess

At the glue that holds them together.


The desire

The greatest one

Is what holds it all together

Even as none of it makes sense sometimes.

Sometimes it all just comes so fast

So furiously

Meaning meant for another self inside

While the mind just cannot grasp

Nor should it,

I think.


It is what it is

Assigning importance

Robs it of its reality


All our masks are lost

I think

To the deep river of time,

and as they do

you too will see as I have seen

as the veil thins

not between worlds

but in the world of the self

which sees all worlds.

I have been thinking about the nature of dreams lately and in perfect timing up pops a whole panoply of dream-related material….I open a book and there is a long exposition on the deep state of dreaming.  On WP there is this discussion about dreams. I was going to write a short piece as a result of my morning walk as my mind delved deep into the realm of our being and realized, I really don’t have time for that.  But, in perfect timing, as I looked at my drafts folder, I saw a post that had been sitting in there for years with a few rough edges which likely kept me from posting it. Sometimes these were written while in a near-trance state as I tried to tease out form from formlessness.

So instead of taking a chunk out of a lovely day with my daughter, I offer you a few frozen goods that have been sitting waiting to be thawed out.  😉

We have such a provincial sense of what dreams are, I think.  Our greatest minds have only been able to say that most of what our dreams are relate to unresolved emotional material getting rehashed or re-worked.  That was the Freud camp.  Jung was a little more inclusive and imaginative, at least, bringing in the concept of the archetype and the Collective sense of awareness into the mix.

I have been an avid dreamer my whole life and I know that dreams are merely a portal to a whole range of experiences.  Some are indeed the rehash of emotion, but so too are dreams also a spring board into other states of consciousness.  We project through dreams, we move through realms that our current focus does not seem to allow us.  We can have dreams inside of dreams, which touch on the inter-relatedness of realities of which we know little from our current state of waking awareness.

But dreaming is much more than this, too.  In my life, I have seen without a doubt that we travel through time, and that, for myself at least, my dreams that saw into the future were all tied into the lunar cycle.  I never knew this was the case until many years ago I started looking through my dream journals (which I had kept from high school all the way past my college days) and found a curious correlation with my precognitive dreams (which I had many of) and how they always landed within a few days of a particular part of the lunar cycle. This suggested to me that this was not some out there woo-woo kind of thing, but was very much a part of physical phenomenon.  As a result, it could be understood.  We just maybe hadn’t gotten to that point yet.  My dreams which have come true were always very specific affairs that had to do with births and deaths in my younger years and expanded into world events as I grew older.  These were not vague premonitions, but highly specific.  I was THERE.  I saw what happened.  I could see the people, I could know the specifics.  One such dream took place in 1995 when I was floating above the earth and saw an explosion take place at an industrial building over Russia.  I saw that a radioactive plume went up into the atmosphere and began drifting toward Europe. I saw this cloud come down as snow many hundreds of miles away to the west.

I was shown in the dream that the accident was so bad that they were evacuating people on freight cars.  I saw that there were a lot of people being evacuated in this way.  In the first day of evacuations, they had moved over 60,000 people.  I watched as I saw a ticker in the lower right corner of my vision kept up with the count in the dream.

Three weeks later, in waking life, the accident at the reactor at Chernobyl took place, and events unfolded in just the way that my dream had foretold. I was fortunate in this case that I had actually told my room mate of the dream.  He was the one who called me into the living room to watch the news on t.v. “Do you remember that dream you were telling me about a few weeks ago?…It’s on the news!” He would say excitedly to me.

People were loaded onto freight cars and on the first day of evacuation they had moved over 60,000 people. Further, in the days and weeks that followed, there was concern about the cloud of radioactive material that had been blown up into the sky and was moving to the west. It was coming down as radioactive snow and was menacing Europe.  A Dutch consortium was so concerned in the wake of this event that they set up a series of monitoring stations that monitored radiation levels in Europe and which have remained up until just after the Fukushima disaster in Japan.

Then there are the dreams about the candidate who wins the Presidency.  Ever since Reagan, I have had these dreams and they have not been wrong yet.  Now in the case of the Bush/Gore election, the dream foretold that there was a lot of questions swirling around with the election.  I went to shake Gore’s hand as he stood at a counter in a hotel speaking to an advisor.  He looked troubled and returned many times to this hotel in Florida to check on the progress of the election.  This happened numerous times and it made me wonder what was going on.  Then, a month later, I saw how Gore would return to Florida over and over after the vote had already happened as the election results were contested.  So while Gore ultimately won the popular vote, Bush was handed the election by the Supreme Court.  What is most concerning to me now is that since that election my dreams have suggested quite clearly that the election process is not what it seems anymore.  When I looked into why my dreams would be telling me this, I found Wesley Clark showing a journalist how the computers can be hacked quickly and the results “flipped” from one person to the other, all without anyone ever knowing that this had been done.  it has fueled a lot of concern, as you might guess about the nature of our democracy now.

Now the reason why I am bringing this up is that clearly, I don’t just dream of the “rehash” of Freud’s view.  Nor do I merely see what is in my own soup of emotion.  I am seeing events from a distance.  Some have been seen accurately over a distance of decades.

My dreams have shown me how to heal my body, and they have also shown me things that I could have seen one way in my life but chose to see another. I have been on other planets, and I have spoken with beings from very far away in other star systems.  In one dream, I took the material that I had dreamed to mean that someone would hurt me later in real life, and I responded from a place of fear and hurt as a result when the event, sure enough, came down the pike in my waking life.  But in retrospect what I have learned from that one event was that I was simply responding to something that I thought was real, and which became real for me, but had no bearing on the actual facts of the situation where the person who was hurting me was concerned.  I saw that I had completely misread the entire underpinnings of the dream and also responded in knee-jerk ways in the physical. Now I ask you; how would have those same events played out had I simply chosen to suspend my assumption that someone was just out to hurt me?  In truth, it could have turned out very differently.  In this case, I saw the world as I was instead of how it is (thank-you Anais Nin).

So I ask you; what could your dreams be telling you that you do not get or understand currently?  Could your dreams be showing you a clear-eyed view of the world and as it filters down into your physical awareness of your emotional state, you still misread them?

I know that dreams are multidimensional in nature.  There is so much to them that we can mine for understanding, but in order to do so, we have to open our minds for the possibilities.  The dream does not exist as a conceptual framework that is entirely rational but communicates through imagery that is invested with feeling…YOUR feeling…and yet, even those images can suggest a different direction if you allow yourself to free associate.  The dream of the monster that is chasing you turns into a friendly little creature that is half its size the moment that you turn around and begin smiling at it.  So I ask you, what was the reality here?  the reality was your fear of something that really had no basis except for your lack of awareness.  But by bringing in a sense that you could be aware and that things could be different…they were.  Dreams like these show that we can see the world in vastly different ways if we are ready to.

I have had anxiety dreams, recursive dreams about some emotional issue that keeps cropping up.  As I look back on my dream journal I see that the presence of snakes may well have not been about fear, but about kundalini which was waiting in the wings and that I was not fully ready somehow.  Over and over these dreams showed up and I always responded to them the same way.  Then, one night, I dreamed a different kind of dream in which a serpent looked me in the eyes and I could see worlds within those eyes as it swayed back and forth.  Without words I beckoned me and began to suggest that there was much much more to my concept of the dream serpent than I had perhaps previously thought possible.

We are here in this rather narrow realm of our awareness and we do not realize just how vast consciousness is, that consciousness and matter are different sides of the same coin, that everything is delicately intertwined and that all of this is much more complex and nuanced than our rational minds have a capability of understanding. I know that upon awakening my dreams seemed to change.  What I found was that what was happening was that I was grasping more of what my dreams were actually about. I had a much more nuanced understanding of them somehow.  This was the result of heightened intuition and what awakening does for our perceptual abilities, and it helped to teach me that the mind I had prior to awakening was itself rather provincial.  It was only able to grasp what it could grasp because it was so…rational in its approach and so literal. the capacity to feel is where the dream world begins to show us its deeper secrets because the language of dream is imagery encoded with feeling.  This is not always emotion and the Freudians would assume, but rather our vast capacity to just FEEL the incredible flow of material that becomes this experience.

There is so much we can take from our dream states.  They are not just some dumping ground for our emotional junk.  Sometimes they can offer up novel ways of solving problems, but as is often the case, we have to ask ourselves what the dream really means.  Last month I talked with an old teacher of mine who has remained friends with me since my college days.  We chatted after not having been in touch for several years.  She began telling me about a problem she was having with her sister.  She also told me about a dream she had in which someone had pooped all over her yard and she had to go out and clean up the yard.  As I listened to my friend it became clear that were she able to see and feel things differently, she might be able to view her dream differently and it could lead to a break through.  I explained that her response to her sister all these years came from an early issue that she was never able to get over and it has hounded her ever since.  It has resulted in her seeing her sister a certain way and it has locked her into a place of anger and frustration.  I suggested that the poop in her yard , which she thought her sister had put there, symbolically, of course, was in truth her own reaction to her sister, and nothing more.  Further, even her own impulse to go clean up the poop further showed that she had borrowed someone else’s junk and pretty much made it her own.  Instead of confronting the feelings, she quietly only dealt with the aftermath by feeling put upon.

“You know, Ann,” I explained in our conversation as I sat outside in the parking lot on my phone, ” you could just as easily see your sister as just a pain in the butt and not put up with her junk.  You can create better boundaries as a result.  But by getting upset at her own brokenness, you have invited her to come poop in your yard….and is she the one coming to clean it up?  No, of course not. Someone like that is not going to do that.” I explained.  Ann sat quietly on her end listening and asked what was the way forward? I continued saying, ” So the answer, to my mind, is to not have to clean up the poop in the first place.  You think that she feels entitled, whether that is true or not, to behave this way. I bet that all of this would go away when you stop taking it so personally and then insisted on emotional accountability. Then the poop wont offend you….and she might just not use you as some kind of emotional crutch, either.”

My friend had to go to South America the next week, so I never found out whether this approach worked.  What I do know is HOW we choose to see and HOW we choose to react to the events and people in the world around us tells us much more about ourselves than the other people.  That might be a tough pill to swallow, but when you come down to it, it’s not the other person’s journey that you are experiencing, it is your own.  You see it all through your own lenses, through your own heart and mind.  Now I ask you; what are the lenses and how are they colored that serves to distort what it is that you think you see? When you re honest enough, these lenses will fall away and you can see and feel in an  entirely new way.  I know because it has happened to me countless times as I learned to take each glitch I had in life and turn it around to see that it was me seeing it a certain way.  There is more than one way to see it.  Changing how you see the world will mirror a change within you, too.



If you are an ardent seeker like me and like to understand how your insides work, one indispensable  tool at your command needs to be a dream journal. Keeping a journal by your bed and giving yourself a few minutes each morning to jot down your impressions from the night’s dream activities is a great way to begin charting your psyche.  I have been keeping a dream journal since high school, and now with over 35 years worth of journals to thumb through, I have discovered a lot of very interesting things about my dream landscape, how it has evolved, and it has also helped me in understanding that there are some symbology that I use that has remained unchanged while other symbols shift and turn with time like phases of the moon.

A few advantages I have found that have come with keeping a dream journal is that I have been able to identify

  • fears
  • frustrations
  • misperceptions
  • desires

More than just this, though, a dream journal allowed me to identify that not only had I had precognitive dreams, it helped me to identify the cyclic nature of these dreams that foretold in amazing detail elements from my future.

I recently looked back at an old dream journal from the time that I met the woman who would become my wife.  In one of the dreams I had of her in the very beginning, I had her show up at my house with some “off-duty clowns.”  When I read about this scene, I smiled; being married to this person was like having a bunch of circus clowns in my life, that is for sure!  Don’t get me wrong; I am not being mean.  I actually think the dream was trying to warn me of something!  It is funny how I can look back on my life in waking and see how I had elements in both dream and waking that both showed me clear clues as to the nature of how some relationships would work out if I had only chosen to listen.

  • Keeping a journal of your dreams can actually help you develop a keener sense of your own awareness and intuition.
  • Keeping a dream journal can provide you with a wealth of insight into your emotional landscape.
  • Keeping a dream journal can help you to understand how your subconscious communicates to your conscious mind through symbols.
  • Keeping a journal can help you identify psychic or precognitive elements.
  • Keeping a dream journal can help you to better understand where you are emotionally at any moment in your life.

Consider beginning to keep a dream journal.  I have found just 15 minutes each morning is all that is needed.  Sometimes when I can’t remember the dreams from the night before, I take my journal with me in case I remember it later.  As time goes by, I build a rich bedrock of understanding of myself over a long period of time.  And it really helps to put things in perspective.  By using this in addition to inner work, meditation, guided imagery, and other forms of therapeutic work, you can help build a solid core of understanding about the workings of your own self in a way that you might not have had previously.



There is a lot of talk about the shift that is happening.  You may not know it, but these things have been at the core of some old prophecies amongst such people are the Hopi and other aboriginal cultures such as the Plains Tribes and other tribes across the North American Continent.  When you look closely at some of the enigmatic things these prophecies offer up, there are some important facts that can elude first notice.

Not long ago the Hopi elders released more of their prophecy because they felt it was time a wider audience knew about it. When this information was released the line was simple.  It said that humankind would soon discover “Time as Direction.”  When this was released it served to bring up an old memory that went back to when I was 18, a memory that  was part of a past life that had its roots in a time period of about 1850.  Over the course of the last few years a lot has come through about this memory.  It has served as a cornerstone event in my life, but has remained in large chunks, a bit of a mystery for me to untangle.  When I experienced my awakening, and when I just let go of needing to figure it all out, the details came through effortlessly about a lot about this memory.  A big part of the memory had to do with time as being a dimension.  For a long time I didn’t know how to explain this, and really, who would believe me if I told them? I have been edging closer and closer to this being a likely truth….based on my experiences thus far….which have been a bit of a quantum rabbit hole.

The content of the memory isn’t that important now except that in that past life as a native man living in Yosemite Valley, I was shown directly in that vision that the Thunder Beings, which I learned are an aspect of my own higher self, operated within a dimension of time that is like space to us here in our 3-D world. Looking out through my eyes back then, but also through the eyes of the Thunder Being in the vision, I saw concretely how it was that this being could look out across time and see that I would be alive as a new person in a new body (today).  For this being, it wasn’t hard.  In fact, it spoke authoritatively about this “day in the future” when I would be “reborn as a new person.”  It said that I should not doubt its words because, for this being, it had already happened!  This “being” was living in the dimension of All-Time, no doubt about it (unless you doubt that I didn’t somehow make this all up in my head somehow).  And what might this All Time be?

Living in All Time is what most who have near-death experiences relate as being in a place where all time expands outward.  Jane Roberts, a medium for the trance personality called Seth described this “time” as the Spacious Present.  Seth also explained that our concept or experience of time is limited by our beliefs and ability to see it as it is.  To see it as it is, I am convinced, requires an acceleration of consciousness in order to glimpse it.  Awakening certainly did this for me, but these same kinds of states were being experienced during “peak” experiences, albeit in a less consistent way previous to my awakening. It is, however, within each of our reach.  This is, I feel, is nothing short of what we are all talking about this fabled entry into the 5th world that the Hopi have largely been involved in creating awareness about. This is, as the Hopi have described, is the Time as Direction.

It might seem that something is going to happen in which all are suddenly changed, in a “twinkling” as some religious circles suggest.  The Rapture is tied up in all of this, too, but it is poorly understood.  If you can get what Jesus said about this you will perhaps understand that this is not like some wave that comes through that changes some and not others.  We are simply at that point on the evolutionary scale where people will begin to wake up to this new vibration that is our consciousness.  It isn’t some reward from some benefactor-god, but what we are each capable of in our own personal evolution.  I sense that the details were misconstrued by people who didn’t quite “get” what was being explained.  And its hard, because afterall, such a shift or change in awareness amounts to shifting from a concept of living on a flat earth to something like living on a sphere hurtling through space!  I mean, who would have been able to imagine that when everything appeared to contradict that observation?

Part of this  awareness is in sensing and experiencing  time differently.  I have certainly had pre-awakening phenomenon where time was slipping and speeding up and even slowing down.  Post awakening I found that I experienced time with another person near and dear that verged on….freaky.  In a good way!  I just could not believe how time moved by!  What is important to realize is that you will always have your present awareness of time as a physical being in space.  You have to.  But your consciousness, however, the part of you that HAS no mass, is simply not limited.  With no mass, it can indeed travel through time.  No rules are broken here!  It can also experience BIG slips in time, too, which is the forward edge of all of this.  If you have experienced this, observe your mental state when these events happen in this way.  It has a lot more to do with your perception inwardly than you might realize because…..time moves differently based on how we are engaged with it.  Change the terms of that engagement enough and you will see much bigger changes.  But most people will simply believe that its just an artifact of their minds….which it is….but not always for the reasons that we might think.Without mass, your consciousness is actually far more mobile than you might realize.  People who have had luck at out of body states have often experienced moving through time.  Again; no mass! No rules broken here!  It was perhaps Robert Monroe who did work with UVA in their psi program that some of these time movements were first officially noticed.  But there are many others.  Monroe was the one person who helped to bring this phenomenon to popular attention.  He has three main books and a body of work that is worth a look for those interested.

This is one reason why growing up I was able to see the future in so many precognitive dreams.  Up until the Bush presidency, I was able to accurately dream of each president that was elected since Reagan.  I was able to see world events that would unfold weeks before they happened such as Chernobyl, Waco, Earthquakes in Mexico, as well as deaths and births within my local community with great accuracy.  I was able to do this because by using my consciousness, I could travel to the location that was most likely to happen. In a real sense, I had been doing this since forever since my higher self had come on that afternoon when I sat on that high mountain knoll praying for a vision in my past life as this Native American man.  I was also looking back into time, too, just as my past self was able, I have learned, was able to peek into my life, today, too!  And really, its not so hard to do. When it comes to dream work, intent is the operative word.  By bringing intent and desire to experience something in the dream world, you can create favorable conditions where you might just get your wish eventually.  Look up information on lucid dreaming, for instance.  This can sometimes help.

This kind of travel, though,  requires, I have observed,  that you release all sense of expectation and result.  You have to have your ego disengaged in this practice.  It is not surprise that people like Edgar Cayce, who did very similar types of seeing, described it much the same way.  The sense that let him see a person from a distance was also the thing that allowed him to travel through time.  Most of my time travels have involved the dream state, but as I was able to do last year, I was able to tell myself that I would go into my own present life past and visit myself in the dream state.  This was an experiment that worked better than I had imagined it would and had lasting, positive results, for the simple reason that I took a positive intent into the dream and followed through.  I could have told my younger self all about what trends to follow or stocks to pick or people to avoid.  Instead, I took that brief moment to speak about all that really mattered: love.

Time as a dimensional element can totally change how you see the world.  We here think of time as linear.  However, what if you were able to lift yourself above the flow of time just as you might fly above a river and see the whole river from space?  You could see where it emerged and where it landed, in the ocean.  In the same way, events in your life now could turn from seemingly random unimportant events to those cornerstone events that actually serve to be life changing.  Think about it.  Instead of a life where cause and effect take place, a whole new order of events begin to emerge outward through your life in a completely different way.  These coincidences and synchronicities are part of the forward edge of this awareness.  The more you can shift this awareness and understand the rules of the “game” of time, the more you can see your own life change.  You can begin to learn to trust that there is something higher at work.  And just what IS that something higher, do you think?  I am asking you to break out of your old three-dimensional thinking.  It might “seem” that I am asking you to just have faith, but in truth I am simply asking you to expand and accelerate your awareness, your consciousness.  When this happens, you naturally begin to take in a larger view.  This larger view is what this blog is all about. This does, however, explode the notion of cause and effect. And yet, so much about my experience in my awakening has caused one brush against this after another.  Over and over events happened in such a way that events were not being caused by anything else except will or intent and/or thought.  How can that be?  And how is it that it can happen instantaneously?  Further, how is it that the perfect set of events comes along  that allows something from the past to happen within minutes of it being considered at some level? The events of my 18 year old self were being informed by events happening the last few years of my life now.  I have traveled back through time, and I have also found very odd connections with events from my present with those of my past as well as the future.  These have all been tied together, connected, but not in the same causal way that events normally are thought to be tied (A happens before B in order to cause C to happen, for example).

What is so interesting is that this idea is filtering into popular culture.  In a movie I have not yet seen, but heard an interview with the producers, I found out that this was one concept contained in the movie Intergalactic.  It was actually really nice to see this idea being considered in just the way that they described it because I observe based on my own experience that they are on the mark.  As they also said, it might be impossible for someone living in seemingly linear time to be able to observe how all events might be happening at once where you can move down through time like one might travel over a landscape.  If time and space are relative, what does this mean for us as we accelerate our consciousness to meet up with just such an awareness?

So welcome to the 5th world, earthling!  It is right here for you, should you be interested in finding out more.  It is not laden with myth or dogma, none of this needs to be part of any belief of any kind.  You simply need intent and an open mind that is critical and questioning and you will most likely get there.  Within this process will be a part of yourself that you have up until this time not used as much as you have in the past.  This part of you will seem like utter revelation when you let it in.  It is the subject of a lot of talk concerning the “kundalini shakti” which is the more fluid part of your being.  It is not a thing or an “it” for “it” is something that resides within the molecules and in the energy that supports your consciousness.  All you need to do is allow yourself to FEEL yourself authentically deeper and deeper.  I will tell you that this route is life changing, a Dante-esque travel through heaven and hell in order to set things right within.  When you do, though, your being becomes a clear lens for seeing things perhaps for the first time ever, clearly. It is just such a journey that we must leave behind the rational, just as Dante explained in his book.

And that is the tidbit for today!  I hope you have time to look into it!


Is it possible for us to dream while awake?  Yes, we all know about lucid dreaming, but what I am asking about is something a little different.

I experience something that I call  Dreaming Awake.  This involves, as I experience it, a blending of two different brain states.  It blends waking and sleeping states.  I think its like how dolphins can allow one hemisphere to shut down while keeping the other “on” in order to get some much needed rest.  I discovered that I could do this just before I had my awakening experience, and it was later refined during awakening into what I know today.  The trick for using this method is pretty simple.  I have to be tired, but it has to be during the day in order for it to work.  My own physical rhythm is such that if it is much later than, say, 4:00 p.m., I will just fall asleep.  For me, I find that I get sleepy right about three in the afternoon.  For me, this is the best time to use this technique.  The reason for this is that my mind is vigilant and this means I wont simply drift into sleep.  This detail is  important.  When I was working 70 and 80 hour weeks blowing glass, this method allowed me to turn off for a short period of time without having to take a nap.  The result was that I felt afterwards as though I had just taken a two-hour nap.  Refreshed, I could then go back to work and continue working until midnight or later.  I learned that being tired has everything to do with the brain state.  Yes, we simply DO get fatigued, but so much of my sleepiness is directly tied to my BRAIN.

SO this is what I do.  I wait until I feel like I could just fall asleep.  For me, this happens at about three in the afternoon.  I have to seize the moment, though, because if I don’t, I can phase out of this fatigue so that I can’t be tired enough for this trick to work.  I take a moment to sit comfortably in a chair upright and close my eyes.  Since I am self employed, this has been easy for me to do, and I am most often working alone, so there are no distractions.  Being free to just nod off is important.  Except you don’t really nod off.  You stay awake.  But your brain THINKS you are asleep and so something very interesting happens.

I sit quietly and allow myself to just be very very still and I drift into sleep.  The fact, though, is, I can’t fall asleep.  It is daytime, I am sitting upright, and this keeps some part of my brain vigilant.  I can’t really fall asleep.  But I do.  I have come to the conclusion that the brain will THINK the body is asleep if you are still long enough and are tired enough to fall asleep.  What I experience is a sudden buzzing feeling that overtakes me.  It is literally as though some part of my brain is just tuning itself out.  I sense or feel as though “static” is falling down all around me and I can hear a crackling kind of noise a lot like tuning a radio.  This comes through me like a wave.  Once the wave moves all over me, I am left feeling calm, refreshed, and ready to continue with my day.  It is really quite amazing.  But there is another part that is interesting, and this is the dreaming part.  I do this while I am awake.

I know that this may sound strange to some people, or hard to even relate to, but here is the thing; Tibetan Monks have a practice that is identical to the one I discovered while doing this little meditation.  It is a way to have lucid dreams while being awake.  Its not hard to do. It is a mix of sleep and meditation.  As long as you aren’t a Type A personality, I think just about anyone can do this.

If I allow myself to drift a little further from the state I was in that led to the vibrations, I can induce a waking dream.  It is quite interesting.  It is like I am exploring unusual worlds and realities, which is basically what I like to do.  Since a kid, an adventurer.  Instead of jungles, its states of mind and dimensional awareness.

I was reminded today of this while I was doing school work.  I took a break and felt that heaviness overtake me.  I just slipped into it, happy to fall asleep, if that happened, or to do something else.  I began to dream.  But the dream was itself more… to explain this….it was more brilliant.  I felt very awake, very aware of all the qualities of awareness that were bringing this dream to me.  So I slipped into the dream a little more.  I became aquainted with a whole world of people from this world near ours.  In it, I was being shown how someone had developed a way to transfer data through people’s feet.  It turned out that this scientist was able to transfer information in a subliminal way through energetic impulses.  This person was developing a shoe that would help to amplify these signals for people who needed a signal boost.  When I realized that this information was going to be used to feed information to people without their knowledge, I essentially woke up out of the dream.  The idea of the concept was itself an amazing discovery for this person, but he had chosen to use it for either government, corporate, or military use.  He was in the beginning stages of this.  The idea horrified me.  So many really cool ideas have been militarized in one way or another.  What if we were to allow people to learn amazing cool things that THEY wanted to learn in this way instead of finding a way to “dope” (fill) sidewalks with a material that would itself be conductive for these signals to flow through?  It was Big Brother on a scale that was….well….creepy.  But on waking up I realized that we are struggling with similar things in our world here that I find just about as creepy.  Certainly our forays into Mind Control during the 40’s through the 80’s was certainly creepy.  More than that, we are spied on in so many ways it boggles the imagination.  With intelligence networks capable of scooping up ANYTHING via phone and internet, it effectively means that all video that business or government has can be captured and observed.  With laws that were changed via the Patriot Act, we are now all possible terror suspects.  I know.  Big Brother.  this need to control is everywhere.  I suspect that “we” are dealing with all different aspects of this in many places in order to learn the lesson of what control is all about.

Okay, so maybe TMI.  But the idea here is that you can land in some interesting places sometimes, like a visitor who experiences dreaming in a whole new way.  I have been able to go and do things that were pretty interesting.  I have been able to do this without having to fall asleep.  I did, though, have to induce a deep state that is akin to covering myself with the DRAPE of sleep while taking it gently off once it happens.  To do this there has had to be certain conditions to make this phenomenon more favorable.  I know its possible because I have done this a number of times and I think it points to our potential as human beings.  Imagine solving problems with this method.  I think the potential is there.  To do cool things.  Cool stuff.  I think that me transferring data through your feet is cool.  Governments using it?  Not so much!

The first step is to learn how you can allow this “buzz” move all over you and NOT fall asleep.  If you can reach that state and then go a little deeper, you can begin to have lucid dreams in this state.  Your brain at this point has effectively shifted into the place necessary for dreams to take place.  I find that I have to let my brain do what it does best to conjure the dream, but once it initiates the process, I can direct it more.  I find that this process of dreaming awake is a kind of partnership between different parts of myself.  Not all of it is necessarily clear at all times, but if you can trust yourself, you might just find that you can master this and be like a modern Tibetan Monk, dreaming awake.

Until then……sweet dreams.

There appears to be a threshold that exists where subtle and dispersed effects from doing inner work aggregates or seems to trip a kind of “switch” within, all at various levels, that serves to bring on various forms of brain activity in the individual. What I mean is that there are effects that are achieved from merely sitting still and meditating. The range can actually be broad, all the way up to the elusive flash or bursting of the forces that will drive enlightenment. These can happen before awakening kundalini and they can happen in slightly more vivid ways after awakening, but these thresholds seem to be a function of what happens when we allow increasingly larger amounts of energy to flow through us. With more energy flowing through consciousness there naturally comes more awareness. The only difference is the quality and quantity.

These shifts are accelerations of consciousness. Consciousness, beyond the body, has no constraints whatsoever. Your body, however, might have any number of constraints. Your body, in this life, might be constrained by beliefs recorded in your brain that tell you that you have to BE a certain way or that you can only experience certain things or feel a certain way. Certainly your consciousness (which is beyond your body) carries this belief, but while you are in flesh, so does your body. Body follows mind. But at a certa in point when the divisions within the self fall away, so too do the artificial barriers that you, that all of us, have created, leading to a union with the higher self and the larger universe.

This is why, upon linking into the higher self, people describe the effortlessness that so often accompanies such states. Things come very fast, ideas resolve clearly, quickly, and the mind seems to have no need to reflect. So often answers are just “known.” I will tell you that for a self that lives outside of the physical, it is VERY handy to have all time at your fingertips. The problem, though, is that we are so focused in our limited brain/mind/consciousness that our belief literally determines what we will experience. Break out of that and wander far enough, and you could find yourself bumping up against your higher self. This self does not have the same kinds of limits that your consciousness here does. it is like you took a vast ocean of awareness and effectively built a small tidal pool and said that this tidal pool was your consciousness and all that you are…..right? So do you see how silly that could be? Well, this is what we all do in a manner of speaking. The trick is in breaking through those cognitive barriers.

A few days ago as I was doing inner work I came across something that was an example of how these kinds of things happen, how answers can come so fast, so easy, so clearly…..IF YOU LET THEM. I have been working for a while on the last center in my main seven chakra centers that needs clearing. The root chakra deals with nurture, abundance, and survival in all of its positive and negative potentials. It is also supposedly the first chakra to be cleared when kundalini moves. The truth is, the FORCE of awakening will “pierce” each of the seven chakras in one rather easy operation which I experienced in only moments. No problem. But the clearing of those centers was a different story. Each chakra is made up of multiple dimensions or levels, each “level” corresponding to an aspect of the self, from body, mental, emotional, and prannic bodies. For me, I guess I saved the best for last.

When I awoke, I was shown how the light body operates. I had been seeing energy before that time, so what I was was a much more refined and more detailed view into the lines of force in the light body that I had not seen before when I see the aura. In fact, I often helped to release blocks in the person I was connected to when I first awoke, what some call the Twin Soul, or Ray. These soul connections are not unusual for awakenings and are a growing phenomenon. I grew to know how these lines of energy responded by observing how what I was seeing some 1500 miles from the person I was connected to (and who I had not even met at the time) and was able to see how these lines responded from a manipulation of them from a distance. This was a “combing” which I did that I found had beneficial effects on the person I was sharing this space with. it was a crash course in energy body dynamics. That was in 2007. Ever since I seem able to follow intuition fairly well so that I either wind up in the perfect place for what I need or in the right level of awareness so that I can hear what needs to be conveyed to me in order to do the next step in the work. Usually. I wont say it has been perfect and I am sure there were times my guides would say that they had a few days where they were waiting on me to come back to earth so we could get to work.

It was about a month ago when I had a release from the Ida current, the line or naddis that travels upwards on the left side of the body in the area known as the root chakra. This was the result of an event that had perhaps either assisted or helped to trigger the release of some material. I had had someone in my family who had died the same day and I was lying down to meditate, not to make contact with them, but to check in to see how they were doing. I was not expecting to have a full brief from them about what had taken place immediately following their death. But that is what happened. As this person was leaving, she did something, almost in an off-handed way where she touched my side, which triggered an awareness in me all of a sudden, a series of images that I didn’t fully understand but sense was from something a long time ago….lifetimes ago. But after this happened, I began to feel the now-familiar sense of energy moving in me. By looking at whatever this scene was stored in my memory and my body (in my root) just the mere AWARENESS of its presence was enough to begin stirring and loosening the junk.

Normally, material is said to flow up and OUT in the Hindu chakra system. And for me in some cases, this is what has happened, but not always. In some cases, the energy has gone OUTWARD from the center. In some cases, it has sunk, in others it has lifted away and poof! Gone. I think getting hung up on the ROUTE energy takes can be itself a limiting thing. For example, when this energy lifted, it did not go UP the trunk of my body. I initially felt that my awareness was helping it to move beyond the vibrational frequency imposed by the root as it moved into the area associated with the sacral and then the solar plexus. As I was able to let it flow upwards in this way it was like shifting the vibratory frequency of something so that it simply no longer was what it was a few moments before. It was a literally transmutation. Voila! The energy kept going upwards and then it flowed down my arm. Thick and strong, I felt it running through me. I began to shake my left hand and arm vigorously. I had not heard that you should do this. it just kind of came to me. Made sense. So I did. Withing moments the energy was gone from my arm. I later learned that the arms and hands serve as an exit point in Chinese medicine. So there. In the moment, the knowing was there with me to just do it.

Then I was shown a new way to look at the energy body. Some of this is hard to articulate so I don’t know how well I will do. Normally when I think of my energy I visualize based on me being in my body and looking at it and feeling the area in question or I look at it from a distance as though I am looking straight on at myself. This is the same way that I usually see it when I would remote view the person I shared my soul connection with. But very recently, a few days ago in fact, as I was lying down thinking about releasing material on the other side of the meridians, in what is called the Pengali naddi, I felt my higher self telling me to look at this differently then I had ever before. None of it made any sense at the time and it was very much like showing someone who knows nothing about how to do something how to do it for the first time. I was shown to look down INTO my body like I have done before but now to look at the lines of energy from above as though I am staring DOWN into them like a tube. I had always looked at blocks at kind of clustering along certain routes along these lines. “Just do it this way because you wont get it unless you do it this way.” So I did. I simply imagined it in my head how it would look and as I did an image began to resolve. I began seeing one main line with one line that broke off from it, something I assume went down to the legs perhaps? It didn’t seem to be important. What was important was that I SEE whatever this next part was. So I looked at it. As I did this I felt myself saying to this other part of me, which I know is the higher self, “Okay, I am doing this thing you were telling me to do…now what?” Nothing happened. I began to wonder what the whole purpose was of this exercise until something DID happen….

I was lying there relaxed and seeing down into these lines of force, the on naddi or meridian that is near my right hip. They actually have several that all go upward….and these were all connected not so much by the energy going through them specifically but by the effect each one had on the other like radiant lines of force. Watching I was shown this cluster of….dark lines is all I can describe them, as running down the length of a section of the meridian. This line had several dots, indications that something was there, like a series of small blocks adding up to one big block. As soon as I saw this and connected the dots down the line, I felt a series of very sharp pains that shot down along this meridian or naddi. It went down, it went up. I was vaguelly aware of a smiling presence that then said, “THAT is what had to happen for you to move forward….THAT was the next step and you would not have gotten it by seeing it any other way.”

It is a bit like being awakened in the middle of the night, told to take part in a mysterious form of surgery and then not really fully told what it was for. Except there is a slip of my awareness that “has” it I just don’t know how to explain it. For some reason, the block had to be seen the way it was because of how it expressed itself. This has been THE single most difficult block I have EVER had to deal with. It is like lifting a twenty tone boulder with a small crowbar. I am actually at the point now where I am moving this mass but it has meant doing it smart and this is where the higher self, the accelerated mind comes in. This accelerated mind corresponds when a series of triggers are flipped both in consciousness and in the body. A shift in awareness changes the chemical balance in the body allowing for more endorphins and dopamine to be produced, which in turn allows the body to become even more relaxed, surrendering more to the energy in consciousness free from the constraints of limiting beliefs. Boom. Light bulb moment. Thing is, once you “get” the hang of it, you can cultivate these states for doing a heck of a lot of very valuable work. In times when I have no idea what on earth I am supposed to do, I am shown. “I” do not need to know. But beyond this 3-D mind focused so narrowly is a part of myself that has it. This is why I have no problem “imagining” what all of this stuff is because I know that imagination is itself merely the gateway for my awareness to become aware of more material. We here think its just fabricated when in truth its already been fabricated and is being presented through the faculties of the part of the mind that can “see” things and visualize stuff. So often we ask ourselves, “How did I know to do that?” But we DO know. It is actually all there and we here are just beginning to catch up to it. The only difference between something you really DID imagine and something already there that you tapped via the imagination is that the the thing you DID imagine wont be anywhere near as perfectly put together. it will seem more effort. The pre-prepared form will itself seem effortless most often. You will grow used to learning how to follow it. This works best for people who can suspend disbelief and who allow themselves broad range to “play” within their minds.

SO I have no idea what the next step is in all of this where the root chakra work is concerned. Each day there comes more material and it SEEMS as though its all in a given order. Almost every day. It is weird. if I was my old self, I would have ignored this and thought it was all just kind of crazy. But not anymore. I watch attentively at each and every happening. Yesterday I was gripped with a need to take a quick nap before taking an errand and when I awoke I was seized with a sudden realization that not only did I not know where I was, I didn’t know WHO I was. This was not some bout of memory loss, but served to do something that had been taking place within dreams, which seems to be attacking the core of something that has been very difficult for me and which has helped fuel this core root issue for so long. It was accompanied by a very different sense of awareness. It was like who I am without the self I am so directly focused. By doing feeling this I felt an amazing sense of freedom and peace. It also released something from my awareness the very issues that need to be released. It was like an incremental movement, seemingly inconsequential, but necessary.

This issue goes way back I sense, but here in this body I am doing all kinds of things to shift and lift and move that big old impossible boulder. Some days I feel like what I am doing is shooting water under the boulder just to get it to slide a few fractions of an inch to one side. Each movement leads to another, which leads to another. My higher self, I sense, is following what it knows is a prudent path towards healing given how I am composed down on this level. Crafty higher self. Truth is, ALL of this could have, in theory, been dropped in a moment….thousands and thousands of blocks both small and big, all gone like that. But is it really practical? Nope. In fact, it is more practical to expect that we go at this one step at a time.

And that is just what I am doing. Allowing this self to show me the way. It may not always make sense at the time, and I might be left hanging for a few days or even weeks, but invariably an event will come along in perfect timing that will serve to do something to shift the next part inside of me that will eventually lead up to one big release of this block. In truth, what some would call a block in the root has been a block that has shared a vibrational familiarity with both root AND sacral. It expressed itself in the beginning as being like a womb of sorts, which, if you have been following the blog, might remember me mentioning something about earlier in the summer (or spring?). Regardless, this blocked creative energy will express itself in a new way so that it no longer acts like a block and is gone.

So for anyone doing this kind of work, the process can be easy if you let it. For me, I have found I simply have to have faith in my imagination, my mind’s eye, which is in truth what we know to be the third eye. If it not meant to be there, it will go away quickly. If it persists, chances are that it serves a purpose and you should pay some attention to it in some way. But being open to seeing things differently is the central core theme in all of this. So your resistance to being able to change something in you could well be part of a central belief that is sabotaging you and keeping success from your reach. When you feel like you are all out of options, I suggest creating new ones.

I have not been as loyal a poster as of late with a growing array of changes taking place all over the place.  I have also found that what once was a process I did not mind to convey to others has turned much more….private. And for a variety of reasons.  As the layers have fallen away, how I feel and react and respond to a wide range of things has undergone a big change.  What once was more at a distance is now suddenly up close. This inward process, though, has returned me to an old and familiar feeling that has accompanied kundalini.  It’s a mix of things, and the difference now is that I have more experience with this feeling, which is itself so intense that it can bowl you over with waves of bliss or  make me wind up feeling….defeated.   The energy is itself a builder of awareness which means that EVERYTHING seems as though it is under a microscope.  Good when you are ready to deal with the stuff, but hard when you are feeling a need to be more quiet, catch your breath, have a moment to yourself.  You see, this kundalini is relentless!  Seven years ago it began and it was a task master going from the outer layers to the innermost layers, erasing the old knotted material, releasing ancient issues, leaving me like a lake that continues to clarify with fewer areas of murkiness.

The trick for me is in allowing myself to FEEL this roughness within, to get down into it and allow the presence of my own awareness to shine its light on the hard places within that are lurking, not wishing to see the light of day.  It is for this very reason that they have stayed where they have been, buried, latent, left for dead but in truth growing into a fossilized version of itself where, like stones, can be harder later to dig out.  But the advantage to stones instead of red-hot fiery rawness is that you can at least take a pry bar to these stones and pop them out of your inner realms and be done with it.  The things that are more raw and in my face have been active, alive, kept current by my attention, constantly fed by some stream of brokenness or a feeling of entitlement to feeling hurt or hard or any number of things.  We want to point fingers at others for why we feel the way we do and you know, the truth is, in the final analysis, the one that ultimately results in our surrender and forgiving ourselves, the realization has ALWAYS been that it was not some other who was really doing ANY of this to me.  It was me.  I created a magnetic attraction in my being that was beamed outward and could only attract those who were a match to that feeling.  The universe does not take sides.  It is neutral.  It is we who are not.  Energy will attract more like it.  the old saying “birds of a feather” is correct.  These can be great birds, or terrible ones.  Armed with ego and freewill, we get to choose.  Now, I am learning to choose…..differently.

For me, the hardest was saved for last.  With seven years of peeling away the layers and releasing untold numbers of energetic knots in what the Hindu call the naddis, those etheric or energetic fields of energy that make up a vast webwork, has resulted in some significant changes in my life.  And yet, I know this is no time to rest on my laurels…..because….well….the worst seems to have been saved for last.  This, the freshest of my past, the hardest seeming, the part I have been less able to make more distance with and allow to congeal into something I can pluck or pry out, I am left with this, the most challenging of my work.  And I say this only because you too may find yourself in similar waters, and I say never to get too bowled over or overcome.  Its hard, but it is worth it.  Always.

I have found that the more we try to make something happen, the more we wind up breaking the waveform necessary for new phenomenon to emerge.  This waveform is itself seeing without looking.  It is a doing without doing. It is the current I was shown last year one summer night as the current that moves from the left side of the body (Ida current-Yin-Feminine) and does a flip as it enters the head where it flows into the right brain and where it joins in the crown, the locus of the supposed final stage of enlightenment (I say supposed because even the “experts” on this don’t seem to have all the marbles in this one—it is much more nuanced and no absolute as all that: living in the heart center can bring the greatest reward sometimes than anything tied into the crown for example!).  It is here in the right brain, where this seeing differently can emerge and be used effectively.  It isn’t so much that the brain is the locus for the energy, but that it is a vast through-way of nerves that distribute the energy throughout the body and back again.  But it is here where we can direct that energy, which is not rational, is not about thought, but is itself a steady beam of awareness that is what the right brain is about in its higher expression.  And the energy in that form of awareness has a very real effect on events in your life.  it is doing without trying.  It most often feels to most people as a happy accident…..that happens as many times as you can maintain that steady beam of presence and awareness.  It is here that this presence, when allowed to flow into blockages with your own attention, that healing can happen the most effortlessly.  To me, I experience it as a kind of cosmic partnership:  the kundalini force identifies the block if I am not yet aware of it and my attention then goes to the location.  The presence, or intelligence that is kundalini will then wait, turning and turning, seemingly doing nothing….but it is in fact doing something.  Sometimes if I can forgive the block, let go, or in some way change how I feel, the process is greatly accelerated.  If I am just as stuck as can be, I plead ignorance and ask silently to be shown, guided.  I remain like a child.  I remain open.  I watch for those signs, all of them, little ones, all seeming “coincidences” to some folks, but the coincidences that pile up day after day until I observe and get the message.  it usually does not take more than one or two to direct my attention in the right way.  This might seem vague, and in a way it might just be. What I know to do is to not engage my rational self, my left brain in any of this.  Otherwise, I can get stuck, because it seems that in the left brain there is the ability to identify individual objects as things that are separate.  This is also where a sense of self or identity as related to ego also emerges.  Ego is itself an object.  Ego sees itself as itself.  It sees all other things as the “other.”  On the one hand, this is critical for survival, but is a handicap when doing this higher order work where ego must be left back in the kitchen watching from the back window. It is the holistic side of ourselves, our immensely broad and undivided sides of ourselves that have something important to offer.  This side of us can glimpse the vastness of everything, how everything is connected.  When things work right, the realization is passed on to the left brain where the vastness is put into perspective for dealing with life here in the object-based reality of our world here.  When it works, it is the cosmic Shakti and Shiva working together, the yin and yang, the left and right now moving evenly together.  It is in the end not one or the other, but a harmony of both.

The truth in all of this is that most professionals who are trained in psychology are ill-equipped to handle this kind of process that actually involves real healing. I recently spoke with a veteran counselor about what it was she did for her clients and “healing” was not one of them.  She shook her head and explained that the most she does is to provide her clients with ways to cope because, she suggested, and rightly so, healing was something that always happened when the client was ready.  True enough.  But a process that does not seek healing directly? Really? I am sure there must be therapists out there who view what they do as healing.  There has to be. And yet, I have found that the most benefit I have gained in my process has not been from therapists with a degree and licensure, but from people who consider that healing is even possible in the first place.  I recently read a quote from Carl Jung who actually pooh-pooed traditional psychotherapy and therapists as the way to reach healing.  This is what he said:

Anyone who wants to know the human psyche will learn next to nothing from experimental psychology. He would be better advised to abandon exact science, put away his scholar’s gown, bid farewell to his study, and wander with human heart through the world. There in the horrors of prisons, lunatic asylums and hospitals, in drab suburban pubs, in brothels and gambling-hells, in the salons of the elegant, the Stock Exchanges, socialist meetings, churches, revivalist gatherings and ecstatic sects, through love and hate, through the experience of passion in every form in his own body, he would reap richer stores of knowledge than text-books a foot thick could give him, and he will know how to doctor the sick with a real knowledge of the human soul. — Carl Jung (from “New Paths in Psychology”, in Collected Papers on Analytic Psychology, London, 1916)

The truth here is that if you cannot learn how to take responsibility for your own life and your own healing, no one is going to be able to help you.  You will keep attracting all the wrong events, outcomes, and people for all the “right” reasons (according to how the law of attraction works).  And this is why I have found myself in a place of transition, change, and I hope, the most needed healing in what has been a veritable warehouse once full of backed up material, all now released.

So reaching this empty state that some describe it, is another step along the way.  Being able to reach a place of buoyant neutrality I sense is an important milestone for being able to know thyself in a way where there is less chatter from the blockages, the old hurts, the investment in what was and the inevitability of what must then follow. Round and round we go until this happens.  And this place, I ardently seek… bidding it much like how one bids wild animals into ones yard.  Elusive, unexpected, perhaps, when they do show, incredible things can happen.  We wait until we find that perfect moment when something inside reminds us how to be, the way forward, like some forgotten route through the soul…like that forgotten land of Narnia.  Its entrance is pure magic and we are that magic, folks!  What lies in this last place is what has actually been part of a generational thing that goes back.  Family karma, I sense.  And for as big and foreboding as that all sounds, I sense that when it goes, it will be like….Poof!  Gone.  “What?  Its GONE?  Really?  Like that?”  “Yes, just like that.”

So in the meantime, I am looking at so many different possibilities, it has been hard to not settle on any one that should be the way.  In just the last day the perfect job in what might be the worst possible place has emerged, which naturally has me wondering whether what I THINK this portends is accurate.  We do, after all, see things as we are instead of as they are.  This job would be perfect, though, a veritable once in a lifetime kind of opportunity.  But what does it mean if it happens?  Is there a surprise in all of this oddness about location?    I think before I get ahead of myself, just letting the wheels roll forward is the best way forward.  As with all things like this, if its “right” for the time, the universe will conspire to make it so.  As with all things, right?

Meantime, I continue research on creativity and racking up sources I want to use for the work.  I don’t know if it will be a short piece or a book.  It could be a book, but with so much done on creativity, I am still getting a handle on the field.  In my library alone there are scores of books on the subject, and all of them are very good.  I am trying to discover whether what I have identified is new or different enough to warrant going forward.  And reading the Mahabharata, starting seeds early like beans, peas, and kale, getting flower seeds packed for a reader in the U.K. from my flower garden largess that created vast amounts of flower seed which will also make my own flower planting plentiful this year.  I am starting a partnership with a new farmers market who wants artisans to sell locally made work, getting my finished book Waking The Infinite read and reviewed for what to do in the way of further editing, riding my bike a LOT and working on the change that has put me where I am….perfectly placed….with a big microscope placed on my insides in a way that feels hard and also welcome.  Its like eating food that is almost too spicy to handle; the burn brings many benefits.

So for now, I may be offline more and worry not; I think you should go into the archivesand discover some older posts because I think there are some gems there!

As a young teen I embarked on keeping a dream journal.  I did so partly because a friend of my sister who was into all sorts of interesting things to me said it had helped him to become more aware of his dreams.  The other reason was because my life had been littered with the most unusual dreams.  It seemed like a good idea to keep track of them, maybe learn something from this world I spent so much time in each night.  Dreams were a release from the mundane, permission to enter into improbable realms of possibility. I also had noticed that some of my dreams would come true.  I had them about births and deaths and even world events.  I was curious about this other world right under my nose.  So I began my dream journaling, trying to be as devoted to jotting down anything I dreamed no matter how unusual or different or hard to explain or relate in the written word.

So for about fifteen years I kept a dream journal.  From seventh grade all the way through college and a few years beyond I did this.  Along the way I found I had a complete history of all the dreams that had come true and was able to find some interesting correlations that these dreams had with the lunar cycle (of all things).  I also found that some dreams that seemed entirely fantastical may have had a rooting in things I did not at the time know too much about.

Like the dream about the Orca.  In the early 90’s while on my own and fresh out of college, I had this dream that was itself delightful and magical.  It had, though, some elements that would take about two decades to realize may have been tied to something that I did not at the time know anything about.  You will see as I explain the dream….In it, I am standing on the shores of a lake in what seems like an alpine setting.  I say this because that is how it all struck me.  The trees that were near the shore of this “lake” were all fir trees.  No deciduous trees at all.  There were these large rounded black stones that came down to the water and turned into smaller stones, all round.  This was a cove and it was at night.  I was standing at the shore looking off into the distance when I noticed I could hear something in the distance.  I was hearing the sound of some kind of cetacean coming up for air.  You could hear the powerful explosion of the animals blowing air and water up into a spout as they cleared their blow holes and took in large lungfulls of air.  This was the first sign that something was coming my way.

I didn’t see much for a bit, but a pod of Orca were coming my way and as they entered into the cove, I could see their bodies beneath the surface of the water.  they were rubbing agains tthe stones and swimming around in what I took to be play.  I found myself stepping into the water.  As I moved into the water, I felt the Orca all around me.  I felt no fear near these massive creatures and in an instant I found that I had submerged into the water completely and had gone off with them, an Orca myself.  It was a dream that I often thought about as one of “those” dreams that stand out.  For years.

Now fast forward into the internet era and a friend has been telling me about the San Juan Islands off the Coast of Washington.  The next day a client comes into the studio and begins telling me about her trip to an island called Orcas which was near the San Juan islands.  Too spooky.  I look into video of this area to see what it is like and I find a video taken in a cover just like in my dream on the island of Orcas and what I found was that it was exactly like the scene in my dream right down to the fir trees, the stones, and the effect that the water had of looking like it was a lake, not the ocean.  Orcas, you see, is a horseshoe-shaped island whose shape counters the normal effects the ocean has of sending in waves.  There are many coves like this on Orcas and this effect gives the shoreline the look of a lake instead of an ocean.

Many years later I saw an identical image from a dream many years previous that had me wondering why on earth I would dream of Orcas living in fresh water.  this never made sense to me….that is until I saw the videos taken on Orcas.

Two years after this dream my daughter told me that she had a dream about how someone had walked up to her and explained that I should always wear the belt buckle that I so often wear that is a cropped image of an Orca whale done up in the style of the Kwakiutl.  I have worn this for a number of years after finding it at a craft fair.  I bought it because it reminded me of the dream I had had many years before.  My daughter had seen the buckle many times but didn’t know what it meant.  I had not told her about my dream about the Orca.  I smiled and turned to her and said “You know, that’s really interesting that you should say that….” and I went on to tell her the story of the Orca in my dream and about having seen Orcas island from afar on Youtube.

I convey this story because I think it helps to underline how our dreams can be more than what some have tried to make them out to be, which is more like the ramblings of the mind as it just creates chaotically.  I have always felt that dream time was always so much more.  After you have a few very specific dreams come true, it is enough to pique your interest and suggest that there is something more to all of this night-time activity.  At least in my life, this is so.  And in dreams, I think that as you become more aware of your dreams, you will tend to remember your dream more often.  Sometimes, by writing them down over long time periods you can begin to see pattern emerge and you can see what kinds of things you have been dealing with from a different perspective.  Dreams can be more than just the mind out for a rambling stroll.  Sometimes I think they can tie us into larger issues that we seem to be aware of even if we are not consciously aware of them.

For me, water has always been important.  I was born under its sign as a Pisces.  I grew up in Florida where I had access to rivers and ocean and the Gulf.  Water was for me and my siblings, a form of freedom.  You could hop in a boat and go on an adventure.  When I moved to the mountains of Virginia, we lived just a few miles from the most magical stretch of river you could imagine. People used to come and comment on how wonderful it was.  As an adolescent, I traveled the creeks and scrambled over the small tree-sheltered springs in my mountain home which bore frogs and creyfish and salamanders. I suppose if I were to choose how I were to come back, it would be not as a human but as a dolphin or whale.  Perhaps, better yet, an Orca.

You do not know death when it touches you because you have lost touch with how it touches you constantly.  You have fooled yourself into believing that death is a great drama, a great fear, an unknown.  But I can tell you that all of this stuff about death is itself a giant ruse, a play for your own satisfaction just to scare yourself.  For many here, death is like a roller coaster ride with a bloody end, a hatchet, a bug that will eat you from the inside out.  Death is unknowable, mysterious and thus fertile ground for every fear you ever had about what is not known.

That is why what I am going to tell you about your death will upset you because of how utterly anticlimactic it is.  Death is simple and death is known in each of your moments.  You have simply resfused to see its coming and going because you have attached fear to it and thus do not know it by any other means than the scary dark and empty things it seems to conjure.  You have so convinced yourself that you just aren’t sure what lies on the other side of death that death has help a delicious coldness, a dramatic iciness that you SAY you hate, yet the movie houses are packed when death is on the menu and billboards.  No, you wont like what I am going to tell you because you have been living in this illusion that you have created.  But it is a creation we have all imbibed in at one time or another.  Images of the Grim Reaper are perfect encapsulations of just how we feel about it.  We go knobby-kneed and our stomach lurch and we have a sense of panic in us even when its someone else who has gotten cancer and wont be making their way back, just a headlong hurdling into that dark (and uncertain) night. We fill Halloween with it and we deliciously lap it up because the truth is, it is more about a play, a drama, than anything that is real.

But what is real.  You don’t want to hear that one.  But I will tell you.

Death exists as a most important catalyst for change in us every moment of the day.  Death is not the thing that draws us down into nothingness, but rather is something that happens all the time in our spiritual lives.  You don’t see it as death because you are too focused on images of the grim goblins and scythe-bearing monstrosities.  I have myself died many times over in big and small ways.  These deaths were not even marked by major changes in my life where one life ended and another began.  No, death has been far more ubiquitous than that.  And I don’t want you to think that I am telling you this in a pejorative sense, or a symbolic sense.  Death is itself not something that stops your heart. The heart of death is the heart of transformation.  You see, when you learn how to surrender, to really let go, what happens to you?  We KNOW what happens to us.  We die.  We all know this is so in our bones and we even say that an orgasm is a “little death” which I insist is only possible when we give ourselves to it, when we surrender, when we let go.  When we do, something marvelous and amazing happens.  We go beyond our limits, we change.  We don’t fade away.  Nothing in us really truly dies, but we are certainly transformed and THIS is the great thing most of you miss.  You miss the wonder in death, the beauty and amazement caught up within it.  Just think, if death is really this, then what on earth has created such a disparity between what I am telling you now and what we all collectively seem to think or feel about it?  Just think about that disparity and then imagine with me that this in fact is the divide that we all share about death in our lives and our own inability to see it for what it is.  Death is not a single act, we just associate it with that because death is what ends a life before our very physical eyes.

In the past couple of years I have begun seeing a very odd looking creature in my meditations.  He shows up in my third eye or mind’s eye quite clearly.  He is this very scruffy looking…  Except this dog has the body of a man.  But no, the head of the dog didn’t even look much like a dog.  It was like a really sad looking dog…..a very narrow snout and a very scruffy and kind of long-haired creature with eyes, though, that sparkled with a type of mischief and wonder.  “What on earth is THAT!??” I thought when I first saw this thing.  It was so out there, so odd, so….random.  For a while the image just irked me a little.  It was only later as I turned the image in my head around that I realized there was some sort of god in Egyptian myth that had a dog’s head or something similar.  I looked it up and sure enough, there was a god who had the head of a jackal and the body of a man.  The Egyptian form was very clean, though.  I wondered.  I looked a jackals themselves and realized, oh yes, this was most certainly a jackal!  But why was this being coming to me?  Well it turns out that this god is called Anubis.  He is God of the Underworld and is related to death.  He is there when a person’s heart is being weighed along with the feather.  That guy.  I really haven’t had much interest in the Egyptian gods and myth, but I suppose I must have picked it up somewhere.  In awakenings it is not unusual to have these ancient forms come to life right in front of you in order to help in moving old material out of the psyche.  Maybe I needed a grand play.

Anubis would show up at odd times, random times. No reason, no message, just, “Hi, I am here!”

So it was with a friend that we talked about this at length.  I was asked  what did I think Anubis was trying to tell me where it comes to his presence in my life at this time?  The answer was that it was about death.  But clearly, this was not about the big D but rather something deeper, the true essence of death, which is more about letting go, surrendering.  When we resist death, even our own deaths, we do not die fully and thus, as I was told, do not go as conscious into our deaths as we could.  Here it was made clear to me by my Egyptian god-friend that the way we allow ourselves to die, how we give ourselves over to just letting go of things that actually helps to determine our rate of ascension.  The thing is, though, is that you do not have to wait upon physical death to experience this, no, because death is always here, you just don’t recognize it because you have created a monster when in fact death is a great and wonderful ally.

IN a waking dream, a guided journey, I looked at this Anubis as he had settled down around me staring at me from across a distance just outside my studio.  It was dark and I lay inside my studio on my bed, wondering what this was all about.  There was a giant pile of chairs all heaped up and I was asked what this all meant to me.  I thought about this and realized, this was about resisting death, resisting change.  So simple an image; I was sitting, waiting.  I was not standing up, I was sitting down and these chairs represented every act of resisting change.  There were a lot of these chairs, and I tried not to be too off-put by this reality.  But as I did this, I was asked if I could use the sheer force of my will to cause these chairs to burst into flame, to use my own life essence, my breath, to fan those flames so the pile might burn higher into the night sky.  There, I turned around this pile with Anubis on the other side of it, staring me down.  He grew more and more intent as there seemed to be something to be gained by this.  What was it?  As I followed the flames into the ink of the sky, I began to feel the sense of surrender flowing around me.  This feeling we resist.  We resist out of a kind of animal fear, an egoistic impulse over change coming to us in the same way that death itself is inevitable.  I knew I had to give myself over to it.  As I did, I felt myself wonder what would become of this that I was letting go and as if reading my thoughts Anubis spoke and said “These things are mine!” and I then understood, whether real or not, the form of Anubis was a means by which we let things go.  But this time, I did not have to wait upon physical death in order to experience this.

There is a lot made about “giving it over to God” in the Christian tradition, and I think that no matter the form it takes, this impulse in us or ability to let go can be facilitated by handing it over to something.  But what are we handing it over to?  I think we simply hand over our fear, we make the conscious effort to merely say that we are going to take a leap of faith.  If we do not trust ourselves, then we make a larger form within us to take it from us for safe keeping.  But like all death, we can release a great deal of things in order to unburden ourselves, and if we are lucky, we can also do this upon our physical deaths if we make ourselves available.  It is here that we learn important lessons, but all of life includes death in small and big ways.  It is fundamentally about a surrender.  To die well is to be able to let go of the river’s bank and surrender to the great unknown.  And perhaps, in a way, by mastering our fear, the lesson is purchased at that much of a greater price by our willingness to hand it all over.

I know that in this death I am able to transcend my own self-made (and very conceptual and even emotional) limitations.  Just as we do finally die physically and enter into a new life through a ribbed tunnel into the light (which do I need to even draw the similarities this has to our entrance into this life here through our mother’s Yoni?) we enter into this new world, finding ourselves renewed, refreshed, and more alive.  But you see, the world is full of events like these, and my own life has been in my awakening one of many deaths where I transcended my own self-made limits in order to feel refreshed, clearer, and more alive.  I am here doing this, sometimes daily.  Sometimes its weekly, monthly or yearly.  And really the only thing holding me back is one simple thing, which takes me back to the beginning of my post; fear.  When we transcend that, when we learn to just let go of all that is limiting us, we move easier through this death into a new life.  And layer by layer this happens, and each time it is the same; we struggle and fight perhaps in similar way as we do resisting death or even birth which is itself a death of what we knew in our mother’s wombs.  We are each moment offered this promise in the present as moment by moment we die to what we are and are born into what we can be and really already are.  A wise person once said to know the end, see the beginning.  It is here on this kind of wheel that we grow to know and realize just what amazing creatures we are.

Lying within this exists the tools for your own transformation.  When you touch this experience you realize over and over, perhaps only gradually like a dawning, how this becomes like many deaths.  Awakening is itself a death that is followed by countless deaths which are releases of old pent up psychic material.  But in doing this, we free ourselves in ways we could only have dreamed.  But it is this capacity within us to go beyond our own perceptual boundaries to experience the essence of spiritual alchemy that is our own saving grace. It is through these kinds of deaths that living become more tolerable, wonderful, and sublime.  When you can see death for what it is in its essence, you will begin not fearing it so much.  You will be more free.  The other side of all death is acceptance, otherwise we have not fully died and remain for the time held by our old limits.  We can each transcend them!

As the fires licked up into the vast darkness of the sky, studded with stars all around its bright red edges, I felt this pull from the heavens as Anubis waited for me in a great Void.  Instead of resisting this pull into the unknown, I felt myself deliciously pulled into it upwards.  It is into that great uncertainty that exists within us for the moment that this uncertainty is mastered, transformed.  Leaping into the heavens, into this vast nothingness that I felt I perceived as real that my limitations here on earth were let loose.  If you want to know the essence of the Tibetan Book Of The Dead and how it seeks to raise up those ready to die, you need only know that when we seek the highest vibration, we also seek the highest that death offers us.

I don’t often write about my dreams, so much of it seems so personal somehow, an upclose process I am not always ready to come out with.  It seems more that as I gain some distance with them that I can talk about them.  But last night I had one of those epic dreams where I was all over the place…..many places, many things, many ideas, many issues all happening almost at once.  In one scene I observed how I looked into a house and up on an upper floor a door opened out into a room that was outdoors.  Within this room was a woman draped in this large and billowing colorful cloth.  It moved and flowed in the wind in this most wondrous way; it verged on art.  As I watched I realized she was the same woman I had dreamed early in my awakening process, a woman I knew to be an archetype figure.  In that dream, I was being birthed and in the dream it helped to signal a shift in my awakening into a new dimension of issues and healing. This feminine archetype, the Goddess, was dark-haired with dark brown eyes.  I have had a number of encounters with this woman in dream as well as waking experiences.  Almost instantly I am aware of suddenly being an an auditorium sitting next to my father.  I am not myself but someone else entirely, a man of dark skin, perhaps Mexican, perhaps Mediterranean.  I am slightly younger than I am now in this life.  In this dream version of me, I turn to my father, who bears no resemblance to my father in this life and say “Why don’t you get us some Mahita….”  As I dreamed this and heard his words (I watched this all as a spectator in the seats next to the father and son, I wondered what a mahita was.  I thought perhaps this was something like fajita, that it was some kind of food, but was curious about what kind of food this might be.

Upon awakening, I began to recall parts of the dreams that I had the night before and decided to look up mahita online.  Curiously, I could not find any food references, but instead discovered a word that was the same that was an old word in sanskrit which meant regeneration.  Huh.  If this is indeed on the mark and my higher self was seeking to return this to my conscious self, the meaning of this becomes very interesting….!

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