Turtle, Maui 2020

The power of self-honesty has been and continues to be the single most powerful force for cutting through the bullshit in my life.

I mean my bullshit.

Through the approbations of ego, we come to think what happens to us is important, especially when we take offense.

I saw someone I know recently say how most things are subject to how we choose to see them, except trauma. Oh, whoah, there, cowboy!

I know few will agree, but especially when it comes to trauma, we choose how we respond. How we respond to events can determine if it was seen through a lense of pain, fear, and hurt. Mind you, I am not insensitive to people’s suffering, but the reality is, we choose how events in our lives are experienced and later seen once in the rearview mirror. There is a world of things that I see people taking offense at daily, and people getting upset about that has little effect on me. Not everyone is the same, one person’s trauma is another person’s challenge. That’s not to minimize the trauma bearers out there because I am one and I feel compassion for it….but it isn’t as monolithic as we might have thought, or absolute.

In my life I have experienced events that could have formed the basis of deep trauma that I simply paid little mind to. As a result, those events hold little charge for me today. I was spiritually and energetically violated early on in my awakening, but chose not to focus on what took place then. No, I have not repressed it. I experienced it fully, I realized there was little I could do to change it so I made the best of it as I could.

As a result, that event lacked the charge we imbue events like this with. I learned from it and was able to be much clear-minded about it than those events around which a strong charge has been ascribed in other cases. The trick is we tell ourselves we have no choice. Truth is, we can all react and respond differently to the same event. Since we do, this can show us how we can choose differently. Further, saying we have no choice puts us in a powerless state with no hope of changing outcomes. A person can struggle to change that belief in themselves.

It’s so easier sometimes to accept powerlesness in our responses. No, this in no way gives the abusers in our past a free pass. Having been a victim of emotional abuse I can say without a doubt that my reaction to the person who abused was that I wished I could have forgiven them a decade ago so I wouldn’t have to go through what I went through all those years. No, no passes at all. But we put ourselves through hell, and THAT just aint right or good.

“I can’t choose to feel differently about what happened to me, or when a bad thing happens!”

Actually, you can. The easiest way to see this in action is to catch something before it can be given a charge by the ego/self. It seems, once invested, we don’t question the effect any given event has on us. It now belongs to the ego and there is no reversing it, it seems. Once ego becomes identified to it, it hardens into a mass and wont move except under heroic measures. While thete are ways to clear this stuck emotion, it seems better to not have it in the first place. An ounce of prevention…

Yes these events are disturbing, and hurtful. No doubt. But we feed those events with our own negative energy so that decades later, we are still holding on, unable to let it go. I have found that the person I needed to forgive most was myself for punishing myself by feeling horribly about something. It isn’t like I haven’t given an action or event a powerful charge, because I have. I told myself I had to because it was a measure of my care. In the end, I tore myself apart. In one instance, I still do, from time to time. It is amazing how a memory can be imbued with trauma and then continue through time to bring up the same set of feelings over and over for years, and decades. I have also seen how we can avoid those problems altogether. To do this, you have to be very honest and clear with yourself about how you feel. If you can, you have the possibility to invest any event with whatever emotional association that you want. You think you have no choice because there is no other way that you are willing to feel about it. The truth is, there are endless choices but we tend to be blinded by our programming here.

There are many stories of NDE’s where people who saw previously deceased family members or friends who had transgressed in some way in physical life was now, in death in complete forgiveness.

What gives? I suspect how ego forms in the physical may be unique and subject to forces that are different here than in the nonphysical. Perhaps we invest events with emotions that then become difficult to reverse because of how powerfully these emotions are tended and maintained through the “language” of our physicality, our chemistry.

Perhaps we are learning that we can make this life into anything we want, that the chemistry of emotion is subject to revision, change, or transformation. We might be able to do it with ease in the nonphysical state, but the ancients have cautioned that we are here to renovate or rebirth the physical in order to change its blueprint for others while changing our own lives too. I have felt the same way.

The physical is full of invisible energetic pathways that exist all around us that get triggered chemically in our bodies only when our thoughts and feelings align to the pathway’s own pattern. We THINK we have no choice, but we actually have the power to stop, pull the cord of the phenomenon until we reach it, so that we are now pulling the cord instead of the cord pulling us…..and in that situation, we can flip the tables and reverse the event. We might not always be able to stop it, but if you allow yourself move into the causal position, you can, by including your will, see each of these for what they are: a dynamic that plays out endlessly the same way for most of your life because you never bothered to believe that it could be changed.

The only real ingredient you need is the desire for it to end. If that is strong enough, you can literally transform something that moments earlier had you tied up in knots. I will also add that there are often two steps involved for a charged event: how you feel about the event itself and then the association or charge you have charged the person with. Most often we tell ourselves that the charge is justified and was probably always there, but in truth, as far as we feel, that isn’t always the case. I lived for years trusting a spouse who wound up abusing me and my children emotionally. I was surprised to discover it. Did I revise my feelings about that person? Yes! Was it all subject to how I chose to invest that person with a certain emotional charge? Absolutely! It doesn’t change what they did, but my changing the charge sure as heck does!

Is it really that important? Yes, when we forgive we don’t change the event but we change how we feel about it. If done honestly, the change is permanent and the self tends not to try and stick that iron back into the same fire as before.