It’s very easy to get down on yourself during awakening, especially as it relates to those who are engaged in emotional release of conditioning. But even as you are, in the words of Peter Gabriel, “digging in the dirt” it does not mean you have to wallow in it.
It is entirely possible to learn how to take out the trash without messing yourself up in the process. This is not refusing to acknowledge what is there, it’s that the pranic force does not make it necessary to ever have to open that dirty trash bag. Toss it, exit the burning building, get out for fucks sake.

There. I said it. Indelicate though it may be, the truth here is that there is no honor in being a martyr to your past and you can grow up, step up, and exit the past and simply be done. You can wallow or you can keep on ascending, your pick. 
The presence of prana is the game changer, you see. Prior to this, what most people have is their rational minds and physical senses. If you allow prana to help you break through the veil of that awareness into the subconscious to find an expanding awareness of both intuition and feeling (not to be confused with emotion). It becomes possible to simply be done once a suppressed emotion has finally been recognized and processed so it can be gone forever (if need be).
There is a big difference between authentic cleansing and simply holding on to your trash while acting like you really are getting rid of it just as your hands clutch onto it for dear life. Or just shoving it down again.

This is why in many old traditions the teachers tell their students to smile as they meditate. I was explaining to my daughter yesterday that there are ways of triggering confidence, happiness, and even joy by learning how to fool your conditioned mind out of feeling negatively. It’s a radical idea: fake it until you make it. 

Buddha said that all change happens right now. You just begin. So change your thoughts. Now. Yes, you might return to sadness or loathing, or a dozen negative states, but you begin by bringing your mind to a new place and hold it there as long as you can. Then, over days and weeks, this becomes a habit. You remain in the new state longer and longer. You hold that feeling and eventually action becomes character, and character, in the words of Gautama Buddha, becomes destiny.Some miss that the only plan is what you intend and help manifest.

There will inevitably come a time when what’s left of your inner junk gets driven to the surface. It can no longer survive in the new you. Like bubbles rising from the depths, they are forced upwards and like bubbles surfacing, spread into the ether as though they were never there. They were nothing more than patterns you loved to hate that imprisoned you in a negative self-talk. Kick them to the curb. If it means repenting and changing your ways now, do so. Fake it until you make it. Time itself will see to it that change comes. And it will.
Is this an inauthentic way to heal or grow? I ask you; is it fake to allow yourself to be as happy as you can muster? This happiness will show you where you still need work. It will. So let it be, and the process will take care of itself and you. Joy will create the contrast you need to see the shadow. There are indeed millions of ways to address awakening that are already authentic and beneficial and can work very well. They have for me.
In Indonesia they teach meditation with a smile. In time, you will find more of the smile to be genuine. Their way might just be quicker and involve less misery. You are constantly reminded of the power of the positive in each moment.
It’s hard enough facing shadow. There is always a reason to be happy and thankful for just being alive here at this pivotal time.

So yes, there will be a time when you know the smile may not be real. But you aren’t doing this to be fake, you are doing this to change, to steer your boat into a new direction.

The Sea Of Sorrow-A Lesson In Sadness

About six years ago I was going through a highly accelerated process in awakening. I had asked for change and I got it. I went through this ego death, a rearranging of the self that moves ego to the back of the bus. During this time I began to encounter a vast stretch of my spiritual ocean I referred to as the “Sea of Sorrow.” Intuitively, I thought my job was to process this sorrow. So I did. Like a man in a boat, I tried to cry out all of the sorrow I felt rising up around me. This went on for over several months. I cried every day, trying to tap deeply into this vast sea.
I realized that this sea that I was feeling could not possibly be mine alone. There just wasn’t that much sadness in my past. I realized once I  stepped back that this belonged to all of us, this vast sea of sorrow. When you awaken, the consciousness you awaken to is that of collective consciousness and how everything is connected. I realized there was no way to process all of it. So I stopped. It had become habitual by then. I weaned myself off over a matter of a few days and steered my own boat out of that sea. I left. I didn’t return. I left and found myself on much calmer waters. My mind changed, clearing. That great sadness became a memory. And there will come a time when fewer years are added to this sea by virtue of fewer people who choose to shed their tears. They choose joy instead of sorrow. And in time, that sea will itself sublime into the ether. It will become a distant memory and anyone who dares return will only find a dry valley where once there were tears. It will have lost all of its magnetic charge on us because it no longer means anything to us.

Do you see how it can be for you?
You choose.

So it’s possible to choose bliss and when you feel this bliss constantly like I do, that bliss alone heals. It heals all the hard places in you. If you think you can heal this neurosis by wrestling with it, by fixing or fiddling with it, you are mistaken. This neurosis is circular and is madness. It feeds on itself and seeks others to raise the same banner as it sadly does, with vigor and passion. There is no rationalizing with it. So? You quit it. You walk away. You become a quitter. 
You quickly begin to forget what it was like to feel like shit and remember instead how perfect bliss is. And one by one you are healed of one conditioned neurosis after another.

Tantra, the core tantra, is about bliss and how it literally can heal you. When you surrender completely and deeply enough, that bliss will penetrate to your cellular DNA  and work out the blocks that are there. This is what kundalini does all on its own as it is. The bliss, as you let it in, heals as deep as you dare to go. This, the soul of tantra, heals your shame, your guilt, and brings you to a place where you just have no more fucks to give. 
There. I said it again. 
You just slip deep into bliss and as you do, it’s as though cell by cell, the magnetic quality of bliss rewires your brain, nervous system, and body. You find yourself wondering just what you were so concerned about moments earlier. This is the beginning of repatterning your brain so you no longer “go there.”
This is the power of tantra, the orgasmic bliss that is the healer. You can feel it with or without sex. And not everyone is ready to harness it for sex. It can be enough just to heal the psyche. It isn’t about sex, you see. It is acknowledging what you are, your incredible capacity to hold this riotously sensual feeling inside until you explode over and over. 
Like Osiris, prana helps you to get put back together a better way.
No, you do not need to roll around in your own garbage just to get it out. You can be happy. You can take each moment microsecond by microsecond, building a powerful wave that is joyous instead of sad.

It’s up to you. I ask, which would you prefer?

~Nemaste!
UPDATE: this morning I experienced an example of something mentioned in this post. I have noticed that over the last few years when I awaken in the morning I experience this odd jolt of transition that I never experienced before having experienced awakening (kundalini). I have noted several people so far who have mentioned this same experience who themselves have gone through awakening (all on their own-no prompting from me) so I am getting the sense it’s fairly normal once you reach a certain stage in the experience.
This is a feeling of dread almost. It’s not the greatest feeling. This morning, though, as I rose from dream I had a smile on my face, thinking about what I had written here, and was keen to see how it might work. I am happy to report that it worked very well indeed. Give it a try. 

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