This Old House

Years ago, right as kundalini rose and my whole life made a 180 degree course correction, I had a life.

In that life I had a home that I bought.  That home was a nice home, but I soon outgrew it, or it outgrew me as my own life morphed and changed.  I am now in the midst of doing work to bring my old home to a state of readiness for sale.  And for the life of me, I cannot disengage the house renovations for my own inner renovations.

I can’t because all of the objects we find in our lives are delicately intertwined, the outer with the inner and visa versa.  To show you what I mean, when I went to close on this house I discovered that the owners were selling the home to settle a divorce.  I would divorce a year and a half later.  I would discover things about the house that showed a number of very odd correlations with events in my own life there and with my family.  Coincidence, or events that have a way of coinciding within our own in such a way that like attracts like?

I am aware that how I am blocked may be how my house is blocked. Physical objects are subject to the same “rules” governing energy as people are.  Energy forms matter, and all things are energy.  Why should we think that sentient beings and objects made out of matter are really all that much different?  The aren’t.  Locations can be just as stuck as people are, and can be just as haunted as people as well. I have had many very pointed experiences in this area that shows that you can actually free a locations of its “glitches” or snags.  One powerful way of doing this is changing yourself.  Because this is a dynamic process, what you do on the outside can change what is on the inside sometimes. If I make a change in me, the vibration that is taking place or that is attached to my home is freed to change as well. So with that in mind, I have turned the renovation of my home, which amounts to a lot of fixing and painting, into a meditation on my own insides.  I can say that so far it has helped a lot with blocks of energy and continues to help.  This is one example for how work of this kind can be an active form of meditation.

No Whitewash

  

I didn’t want to simply slap paint onto the surface of my home.  Paint had accumulated over many decades.  My home is almost 80 years old and it looks like it has not had any paint stripped from it at all.  I took torch and scraper to the paint and began the laborious process of removing all paint from surface to deep core.  As I did this, I could feel how all the memory locked into the surface of the paint just peeled away and became like a crispy crust that I tossed into the trash.  Likewise, I could feel how allowing myself to be scraped deep, to open myself to such radical clearing was one important way to clearing away material that was keeping me blocked in my life.  Lot of it, I wasn’t even aware of.  But that is how some of these blocks are.  You almost rely on a kind of “further knowing” a knowing that feels like its beyond you, to know what you can’t possibly know.  And yet you do.

Things looked like hell for a while.  But isn’t that how it is?  Once you get honest with yourself, you can disrobe and let all of the surface details go to get down to the real you.  Thing was, this old house has such nice bones.  Surely, this bodes well for each of us.  But we often pretend to be something we aren’t, or aren’t even AWARE enough that we are something more than what we are.  One thing is for sure, we sure can be pretty unaware of our broader potential sometimes.

As work progressed, more and more paint was removed. Trees were taken down and turned into mulch.  Gutters were fixed and small trees dug up and bushes trimmed.  It was a hair cut that was some five years in the making.  The old lady was going to look a lot better once I was able to get some good paint on her.

I can’t cut corners when I do a job like this.  I just can’t.  I can’t bring myself to buy the paint that one worker bought who was doing some painting on an other part of the house.  I directed him to a gallon of paint I had bought that was easily double the price of the paint he had with him. The thing is, when you look at the two paints on different parts of the house, you can tell a difference.  Cheap paint just lacks the body and the luxurious look that a paint that is more expensive will have.  This old lady needed to be dressed up nice so that she glowed.  I wanted to give this house some love because we all deserve this. The love outwardly became the love inwardly…

And things began to shape up.

Month by month this work dragged on.  I probably missed the window for the most active time for buying homes but I don’t care.  I want to do this job right, you know?  I will only sell this house once and its a doozie of a home.  I wont see her likes again in a good long while.

New gardens put in help to shape the front and helps add a splash of color.  Sitting at the top of a hill, the roofline of this dutch colonial is perched perfectly to look out across town.  Private, but in the middle of everything, just as I like it so often, the house is situated nicely amongst the homes in the neighborhood.

As I work, I think about my own body.  I think about driving up old splinters and hurts and forgotten sorrows and joys so as to liberate them so that they no longer turn like a stone that refuses to return to dirt but instead tumbles and rattles in our insides for so long a time we forget it is even a rock doing that…..an old rock of an old feeling we just have not had the courage or willingness to let go.  Maybe its a feeling that will make us all think we are just crazy….a feeling that we know that if we let go, we will never feel again.  No matter how incredibly broken it may seem to admit that, we humans love the devil we know rather than the angel that we don’t.

We can though look at a house and see how its not so different from us in some ways.  We can dig up the old bones and let them see the light and realize that now no more secrets need to be kept.  We can enter into the glory of a new life.  Doing this is a moment of pure honesty….a moment that most of us seem more afraid of than a hundred monsters in our closets.  But looking honestly at everything is a brilliant maker of lives because it helps us to build on a foundation built right rather than one that was poorly set to begin with.

She is looking good and I have high hopes for using this sale as the catalyst for big changes in my own life.

I’ll keep you updated.

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