Surrender

Sometime last year I spoke with some local healers about whether they knew someone in my area who did a combination of body work (massage) with energy work.  I knew what I needed, I just didn’t know if there was anyone who did the kind of work I was feeling like I needed.  One of the people turned to the other and they both said almost at once the name of a local practitioner in my area.  It took a while to get on her schedule, but the work she does is based on the Polynesian method of balance of the feminine and masculine as yin and yang in the body.  It embodies awareness of the meridians and points throughout the body just as the Chinese methods of acupuncture do.  It is, for me, proving to be a very useful modality at the stage I am at right now.

My first appointment went well, and some blocks were removed.  It was helpful.  I have been working on some of the last blocks in my system, a process that has taken about eight years or so since kundalini rose and began clearing me out.  As I have gotten down to the end of this, it has gotten harder to remove the most stubborn of blocks!  But unlike the beginning when I felt defeated by the hardness of each block, then victorious as the block was magically moved by the stirring energy of awakening, I now have a level of confidence born out of perspective or experience. The second appointment, though, was something else.

We began the second session by going over where some of the blocks were and what they were doing to my physiology.  This provided her some clues, and she got to work.  I am able to identify very specific locations along certain meridians which helps her to know where some of the blocks are happening. She went all over the body, pressing here and there, both massaging, getting me to breathe a certain way, and then placing her fingers at certain points.  Once she had gotten through a certain portion of the work, she then placed her finger in one spot.  As she did so, she asked me what I saw.  It was funny, because I had begun to see something rise up in my inner vision just before she asked this. This was bringing up stored memories that existed on the other side of the blocks I have been dealing with for so long. My healer was already beginning to assist in the release of this stored material.

I found myself going back, back, back, further through time and deeper into the blocks in the root chakra.  Having to do with survival, abundance, nurture, care, and love, I felt like a toothpaste tube being squeezed out.  I saw my feet on wet sand as a child, an experience from early childhood in my home in Florida.  But then as I moved through these old blocks, I found myself looking down at feet that were not my own.  Different feet were running through a rainforest.  This was on a Pacific island.  A very old story unfolded that explained so much about the trials I experience in life.

Letting it go was the single most important thing I could do.  Somehow, in perfect timing, I was given this gift of a Kahuna healer to reach into a place in my past that was Polynesian.  This was not something I was experiencing that was by way of suggestion (that I was Polynesian), but rather through a complete and perfect form of serendipity. I needed something from that old world in the new to help bring it all up.  And there she was, my massage therapist, an amazing person for her insight into a system that seems to wed a range of sensibilities into one practice. Furthermore, this person lived right around the corner from my home, which has been how my most important finds have taken place, such as my Qi Gong teacher who helped me so much in releasing blocks, who lived the same distance from my home as my Kahuna healer does (almost exactly the same physical distance).  This, instead, points to the amazing nature of what lies ahead of us in a journey of this type.  Some want to call it miraculous, but instead of miraculous, consider that it is pointing to the potential for the universe to bring you exactly what you need when you need it (even if it means having a Polynesian who just happens to do healing work right around the corner from you with a healing modality that is perfectly suited to your own healing).  Rather than the universe working against you, it can also work FOR you in remarkable ways….

For anyone who feels stuck with clearing out old material, I suggest body work by a person who is intuitive and sensitive.  This Kahuna healing work was perfect for me, since it brings into the moment all of the things that help to move these blocks. What I have struggled with for over a year was released in that two hour session. As it sure seems that I have saved the hardest blocks for last, getting this kind of compassionate care has been so important. My healer looked at me afterwards and asked inquisitively, “Have you had releases like you just had in your process in the past?”  I had to explain that I had a couple that were as dramatic as the one she witnessed, but most of them were almost non-events since I was not experiencing the trauma that made up the block.  It seems that for these last bits, I almost NEED to feel the highly charged energy, to bring it into awareness in order to understand where the fault has lied within me (how I bypass the feelings that are so foundational and thus are root-related and that get stored as a result of this)

Its been two days now and I still feel tender, and I feel new.  The releases were so deep that they have left me feeling….at odd ends….which is something that I am used to by now. I just don’t sweat it as much now. I feel a stronger or renewed sense of my own energetic integrity and how important it is to no longer allow people into my field who mirror the pain that I have now released.  Up until that time, however, I continued to be vulnerable to this intrusion of sorts simply because that was just where I was, sharing the same “samscara” or soul scar. In a very real way, I was like a heroin addict hanging out with other addicts.  We kept each other going on this merry-go-round of dysfunction.  While I may have known all along that it was not healthy at all for me to be connected to these people energetically, I was also powerless to do much about it deep down.  To gain back the power of my own will, I had to cure the fault or hurt I had stored in the first place.  This naturally moved me out and into the new. Unlike a sudden arrival, though, this is one step of many steps, a kind of continuous spiral of evolving, healing, and becoming. It continues to be a process.  There is still more material to release, but I am now better equipped to feel a sense of quiet within myself without someone banging on my inner doors or sneaking in through the back way.  This is critical to do if I am to continue to heal, which is to remove all of the negative influences that serve to keep the new at bay and the old constantly reinforcing itself.

After these kinds of clearings, I just kind of observe, feel, and wait for my system to reach its new balance.  I have been living with this junk for so long, it might take a few days or weeks to reach stasis again.  But its good. Since you might be curious to find out more, here is a link to one of many Kahuna sites…I highly recommend this modality for anyone who is dealing with hard to remove material.

http://fionahouse.com.au/therapies/kahuna-bodywork/

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