This was what I wanted to drive home in my last post….which was that now as I get down to the root chakra and heal it more intensively, something has emerged for me about it and how important the root is.  It’s a foundation….I was not able to really see how much of a rock it is in our lives.  I have realized how important it is to build a good foundation with it. Now what that foundation looks like for you I can’t say. What fulfills you and bring you wonder and a good life perhaps. It is different for all of us because we are all different.  For me, I know that very recently with the healing and movement of old blocks from my root and sacral that it has allowed me to have a clearer view into that part of my energy body.  Knots tend to obscure some. I knew but did not know.

At a certain point all energy flows into a vast current of energy.  All energy from the planet, from each organism, from all life both physical and non flows into a vast surging and churning sea.  It goes from small to big to gigantic.  You can’t believe how huge it gets.  You realize that all of this is this hum of energy….we want to divide things out and say this is sexual energy and this is not and this is third eye chakra energy and….and really, it’s so much like clay.  You can knead it into any form you want and we fool ourselves with thinking that any part of it is any different from any other part or vibration.  It is all clay.  Some make teapots out of it, others make white rabbits.  It’s all CLAY.  You see?  I focused on my root being so powerfully sexually that I lost sight of its many other facets.  I had shoved down so much hurt into my lower regions that it lodged there like most people do and was turned into energetic fossils, forming stony motes in my soft energy body that hurt once kundalini turned on.  Ouch!

I think that I thought I would somehow lose something if I lost the sexual energy, so I kept it in a place where it was less than healed.  It was the last thing I was able to let go of.  It was perhaps the one thing that gave me joy and bliss but that also was forbidden and was turned raw by the built up or latent pain from the past, the shame and hurt.  What is so interesting, though, is just how much more dimensional the root has begun to appear to me.  It is so much more than just sexual or survival.  It is a certain earthy charisma, it is a vibrance that feels really good to be around. It is also the essence of abundance.  It is magnetic and if you just let it flow, this force can be felt in your body in amazing ways.  Breaking free from the old strictures is wonderful.  For me, for some reason, this step was not a sudden dropping away of the veils as has happened in the other releases of old karmic material or energy knots in my light body.  This one seems to need to be forged anew.  It seems to need or something in me knows this basic part of me had gotten misshapen over time.  But it is alright; it is all clay, right?  So day by day I keep working at it, trying to not repeat the mistakes of the past and learn from all of this that has come before me.  The idea that in changing we will lose something is itself incorrect.  It happened to me with this misnomer called “ego death” which wasn’t a death at all, and it has happened with releasing old blocks.  Something in me thought I would no longer be me even though it also knew that no, that is not what is happening in letting go….I am revealing a deeper self, my authentic self perhaps for the first time and THAT self absolutely shimmers with all sorts of energy.  It just gushes with energy all the time.

(Its wonderful)

Spiritual broad life force….sensuality, sexuality, mental energy, and more all bend out of, split from and move back into this giant current.  It can be pitched to become sensual, pitched to be sexual.  It is we who do this.  It is itself the entirety of all things…..somehow I know this is so.

I don’t expect it to be perfect, but I do expect to feel perfectly about it.

There was a time when I lived for others and told myself I was selfless. Then I realized I was living for their approval and realized that I did not love myself half as much as I needed and they did not love me half as much as they could have.  I let that go and have been reorienting myself ever since. This need to be a victim has got to go!  Being around this energy breeds more of it and its a terribly disempowering attitude. Where did I go wrong, I wonder?  I had some splinter of a thing left in me that had to be worked through I guess.  I should be thankful for those who have helped to point out the problems that remained in me as a result of what I have attracted.

I think that unless you are able to take responsibility for what you have created in your life, you wont ever really get to a place where you are a conscious co-creator.  As long as you shirk your responsibility for your own experience means you can’t touch fully how the energy drives through you from an atomic to cosmic level. For those who cannot, they are too busy handing their power over to someone else for one reason or another.  Then it becomes everyone elses fault for just about everything.

Pound pound pound, I forge the dross from this iron will.  What shall I create?  Something marvelous!

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