When kundalini came, it got to work taking me apart.  Slowly, piecemeal, this all took place. At first, it was great.  I felt the presence of this intelligence moving in me, opening up blocks.  It was a partnership and it led to feelings of soaring, release, of being revived piece by piece.  Something would go and I’d feel something I had not felt since I was a small child….almost as if someone had been operating on my brain and pressed on that little part where some old memories were stored…or hidden….and out they would come and I’d think “wow, what was that?  How nice….”

Kundalini took a deeper turn, though, and what was lighter became more intense.  Incredibly intense. Like riding a roller coaster or feeling like I was on some steam engine.  The energy, it felt like to me, at least in retrospect, was ramping up for a new round of diving deeper to get at more stubborn stuff. Honestly, though, I do have to say that after working through so much at least thus far, the steam engine sensation strikes me as being more based in fear than anything else.  What once was something that was bearing down on me has become much lighter, more refined.  I wont say I am perfect, so, why, I am still quite human but….In the beginning it was easy, then it got hard.  The harder stuff seemed at times insurmountable.   Stuff maybe my ego identified a lot with which naturally made it more dug-in and more stubborn.  But bit by bit, layer by layer, the material has peeled away.  Each release has been remarkably different one from the next.  It seems that for each major block (and these are now feeling like major hurdles now being dissolved), a different approach was used or a different way was found by my higher self to help me with whatever was NEXT.

Very recently I had a sacral clearing that was nothing short of a godsend. You see, since kundalini, I have had this realization that there was so much I was doing in life that involved my gifts that I used for approval.  I found that I could not work in my old studio job as a result because it felt like I was using it to get approval I myself could not grant myself.  This was crushing to see.  I drifted from glass and I actually felt blocked.  I worked my way back into the creative arena right alongside kundalini and what it was doing to help overhaul my system and my past conditioning and karma.  When the clearing came I discovered this part of me that I thought had died and had been buried.  The truth is, I mourned it because I felt it was the one part of me that gave me real dynamic forward movement.  The curious thing about awakening is that doing things the old way goes by the wayside.  Its hard, too.  In art, there is a cult of ego and personality that many people rely on in order to build a life in the field.  I always felt the work should be the important thing, but in my case ego was doing a number on me with this whole approval thing.  Everything felt like it drifted into an uncertain place as I figured out who I was after having what could be termed a spiritual stroke.  Reordering me, I found I had to relearn some things in order to continue doing what I was doing.  I was beginning to create in a very different way and for very different reasons.  Good.  And yet, I felt like “so what?”

With the clearing, though, something was either returned or was allowed to no longer be blocked.  Even as I was becoming Unblocked I was laying on a block of my own.  This last clearing did away with that.  the result has been a sense of relief, of clarity (or greater clarity) and a forceful step in my stride.  I actually want to create and work and do all the things I did before but now I have a freedom I did not have before.  I hadn’t allowed myself.  Now, though, it seems as though something much bigger is on offer.  If this seemed daunting to me previously, it isn’t so now.  Confidence is beginning to ooze out of me.  And that is a very good thing.  I am finding I am aligning more with the things that make sense and that bring fulfillment.  It is really pretty easy.  When we let it be.

One thing is for sure; the cakra system is pretty right on.  Root, sacral, heart, throat, third eye, crown.  All of it adheres to different vibrations of energy and thus contain blocks that mirror that energy.  Clearing one center frees you up in ways hard to explain and harder to imagine.  But I am very thankful for it.  Sometimes just saying it could make it happen.  Just like that.  We do much to complicate things.

This is a call to you to not fear change.  To not run from your feelings but to face them head-on honestly and without fear.  the curious thing is that when we do that, the content of the fear changes.  And we change.  If there is to be any ascension, this is certainly it. When we cease living in fear, no matter how under the radar it flies, we tell the universe we are ready for something different….or returned.  This approach is amazingly cleansing and wonderful as it returns to you a part of yourself you may have felt you had lost.  It was never lost.  It is now being found.

A new chapter begins…

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