I can tell you that there is a perfect system for uncovering all the latent material that needs to be dispensed with in order to live a fuller freer life. In awakening, a shift happens; an energy which is itself aware runs all through you. It dives down into your cells, invading every nook and cranny of you, filling each space, each seemingly empty forgotten space with awareness, a certain kind of awareness, which is itself bliss. This is a powerful present form of sentience, and at first, it has caused many, including myself, some caution. For some, it has been too much and has driven people over the edge. This is the one thing that is talked about in regards to the “dangers” of kundalini. It is a lot to take in, and if you pull away from it in fear, then that fear is multiplied. On the one hand, it can be a powerful way for you to see all of your own latent fear right in front of you, but unless you are able to step back a little and recognize this, then it pretty much winds up owning you and you are in a position of just responding. Reacting. “It” is out to get you. For me, it was a bit like an 800 pound gorilla that would come into me and wrestle me while I resisted, not knowing WHY I was resisting, or why I was feeling so much pain. The single most helpful thing for me was learning how to surrender, and to be honest, I really wasn’t a very surrendered person. I thought I had a pretty examined life on balance, but that really didn’t mean too much without the right “posture” in the face of this new phenomenon. All through this process, though, the light body came on clearer and clearer and showed me, through discomfort, what needed attention.
The wisdom of the body, which I do not really see anymore as light body or physical body, but for now is a continuum that includes all bodies and states and capacities, has within it all you will need to know. There is talk of “painbody” and while seeking to drop the pain body is important and very productive, it also serves to highlight what is in you that needs giving a good toss. This is not a rational process but one related directly to feeling. Feeling is so important because it either stops the flow or it allows it. Getting a handle on this is a big thing, and painbody in the beginning will begin to teach you moment by moment how best to be by showing you how certain thoughts and feelings allow more energy in without restricting it which winds up making you feel blissful and good instead of pent-up and anxious. It is a real trial by fire and the advantage also is that it will show you the linkage between your thoughts and feelings and how this regulates the output of a whole range of chemistry in the body. Nothing in my life showed me more clearly how a small uncertainty in the back of my mind over years could have a very real effect on my body chemistry. I was able to see how I could quiet the incessant flow of adrenaline and boost endorphins. My body became like a giant lab experiment where I carefully observed what feeling states created what kind of chemistry in my body. All of this was possible because kundalini was making everything highly intensified, as though a bright light had bee shone on my body and its interior processes. This experience resulted in what I know to be THE alchemy, and it is one that is won only by a near constant balancing act where I do not go too far in one direction or another and find the balance that I seem to need in order to keep sane with this force in my body and in my life.
So much of what happens early on is a contracting effect into the old structures of the psyche when kundalini hits. If I fell into shame or depression or self deprecating states, I would feel this very painful sensation in my body. It was in truth in my light body, but was instantly telegraphed or communicated to my physical body. The punishment, which I was exacting without realizing it, on myself, was through a pulling back from this perfect energy which could not be known while in a state like fear, anxiety, or anything negative. Sure, kundalini was there, but it was as though it turned on a dime and served as fuel for the fire of something negative instead of positive. I could feel in my body, in the chakra centers, places that would hurt. Most of these were constant in the sense that anytime I went through one of these contractions, the same pains were there flaring up in those same energy centers each time. If i was able to clear something from a center, it would be gone forever. But by drawing back into the old modes of the psyche, which namely involve the identification with the ego, this was like pulling a curtain on a very lovely episode of pure grace and balance. Over and over this drama unfolded until I slowly began to get it right, until my body would crave the joy and perfection over the dull dark realms of uncertainty and loss. What this process was doing was showing me how to be different, and in the process, it caused a kind of collapsing of ego where I simply no longer could keep it where it was. I had to let it go, to let it be free to be in another place in the garden of my awareness. It had to. I could not keep this pain stuff up for too long.
You can feel these contractions even after the collapse of the old egoic positioning, but they are not as intense, at least not in my current experience. However, by being able to get motivated by the discomfort I sometimes feel, I have a very clear and unequivocal method for taking care of cleaning out the backlog, what I call “the inventory” which is essentially karmic. The process is in clearing this all out an returning to a sounder more peaceful form of awareness. Still human, still imperfect, still working on things….but now there is this sense of having worked through lifetimes of junk that has been hanging around my neck for ages. Here, now, there is a real chance for an authentic change to take place that will lead to a better way of life.
The issues that lay in the light body are also tied into the physical body, and there are ways to use movement to help clear these up, to help them to move on. This is a rather fascinating area of study that is going on and when I caught on to the effect that movement had for me, it helped to bring on one of the biggest series of releases that I had in my journey through all of this. There is also research emerging that supports that even in the animal kingdom, movement plays a key role in helping us to release these seemingly nonphysical traumas that exist in the energetic blueprint of our body memory. The body itself carries a host of material in it, and what we think we know about the body is mostly what scientists have discovered. Part of this has put the brain front and center as the organ for processing information, feelings, and memory, and yet we are learning that this is not entirely so. The heart, for example, produces more electrical signals that go to the brain that signals coming from the brain to the heart. This isn’t just electricity, but signal processing that is similar to the signals coming from the brain, which is why scientists studying this have said that the heart appears to have some form of intelligence. We speak of the heart breaking, a feeling in our gut, for example, and all of this points to how we do indeed use the body to process information. Ida Rolf, known for her aggressive deep tissue work found that she could help people to release old pent-up emotion by working deep into physical tissues. A flood of emotion would most often come and then be gone.
I experienced this same effect when I had someone who worked on my shoulder, the place of a pretty serious injury that was tied into the events that led up to my divorce. Without going into the hairy details, I found myself suddenly flooded with an unrecognized emotion of betrayal that swept through me and then was gone. It had been stored in the injured shoulder all that time, and was then released through careful manipulation of the tissues within the shoulder. Using Qi Gung (also spelled Gong) served to release a lot of material, a process that felt very uncomfortable at first. It was as though I had stirred up some ancient toxins and felt clammy and sick until they had fully passed. The effect was nausea and a sense of dread. My though was that I would feel renewed, and while this is true, it took a little time for this to settle into my experience. So do not be surprised if in doing work like this that there is some residual effects that may not seem at first to be positive. Its a bit like taking medicine that first makes you feel sick but ultimately makes you feel much better.
The advantage to this method of clearing out old material is that you don’t even need to know or relive the past in order to let it go. Yes, there may be a sweep of emotion, and this may well serve the purpose of acknowledging it, which may not have been done at the scene of the crime, so to speak. By not denying feeling, by not shoving it down, this backlog, I feel, can be greatly curtailed going forward if not entirely eliminated.
Going forward, I now acknowledge my feelings. I let myself feel these storms of emotion when it comes to my reactions with others. I also do not marinate in them. I let the feelings come, I see them as they are, and I let them breeze on through me. If I find myself reflecting in an anxious way over something, I ask myself what I am afraid of and try to acknowledge and feel all of this while asking myself that root of the problem. The answer does not always come right away, but the point is I remain open to something that might happen a day or week or month later that will help bring me to a sense of clearing and completion. This isn’t just about forgiving people. So often we think we have to forgive people to be free from our past haunts. This might help, but it has been my experience that all of this ultimately comes back to me due to how I chose to react or feel about something. The first freedom may be in forgiving others, but the final freedom is in forgiving ourselves. It is this freedom that is the one that brings the greatest and most final end to old problems or issues. This is so because it is seen, recognized, and then sent on its way in a sense. It no longer hangs out in your energy field as a kind of virus turning and looping and straining the energy field. With things like this moving in you, it will be hard to get the things you want in a way that does not cause problems simply because there is a glitch in the feeling upon its creation or wishing. You might be like me and be able to manifest great things that wind up having a glitch in them that make them difficult instead of easy. I knew that I could manifest anything I needed, but I harbored some feeling like maybe I was not deserving of it, or that there was always a price to be paid. This was born out by my experience. The big things had always been hard-won, but I never considered I was simply creating this difficulty. Once I looked at this, I discovered a fear that I was able to remove, and this fear blocked my ability to love myself. Once that happened, events began to take place that did not have these same glitches in them. I had to clear up a feeling in myself, a kind of belief of sorts, and when I did, the character of events changed. Being aware of how your own energy impacts events is a big move in life, and being able to see good examples of it can also help in moving you forward just as it did for me.
The body will provide you with all the signals that you need to come to grips with everything that may be holding you back. Once awakening comes, all of this becomes much more vivid, and while it may be hard initially, it can also be a saving grace for how clearly it can identify things for you that need work. The curious thing is that the rational mind has a part to play that can keep you out of the heavy emotional tangle that this can sometimes represent. Its role, though, is limited, but very effective. It can allow you to stand back and as long as you can be honest with yourself, you have a good chance of being in a place where you can see things for how they are instead of how you feel. This serves, at least for me, as the first possible step in eliminating blocks. The rest involves grace and a willingness to feel in a way you might not have felt before. This is the new day dawning when this happens, and it is a very hopeful thing.