There is a curious problem that has dogged us for a very long time when it comes to healing work. In our wisdom, we often feel that we know what the truth is about others. While it can be so easy to see what is true and how it is that we think they need to change, we are also bound by our own biases which are most often unrecognized. Cognitive Bias is an interesting thing because its roots lay in our past experience and it governs what we think we see, how we feel and respond to the events around us. Get five people all with different Cognitive Bias’s into the same room watching the same event take place and you will likely get five different takes on the same event that they all observed. Not just this, but such bias also governs what we do, what we buy, what we create, and how we live our lives.
I teach the lesson of Cognitive bias to my students in art in order to illustrate through a series of simple exercises how it is that such bias blinds them or limits what ideas they come up with in art. What works in art also works in life because these biases aren’t about what can or cannot be made in art, but are more fundamentally about the choices that we each make. So the bias that limits you in art class could govern your eating habits, your political affiliation, your sexual orientation, and many beliefs (at least potentially). When these biases are recognized and then removed or dealt with effectively, you are more free or open to choose different things for yourself. This also means, that as a helper, healer, or facilitator for someone’s own inner change, we also can see and understand in a broader way what tools they might need. The tricky thing though is that we are literally laden with biases, and these continue to serve as blind spots for how we see and respond to the world, people, and things.
The self is itself a land-mine of subconscious material that most have not gotten their hands around. Most often, those who DO get their hands around the issue are left without the desire to tell the world just how wrong or off track it is. Each soul, you see, comes to this. The work of healing or being a healer is one that is a tender balance and awareness that while some methods or advice may work, there may also be things that we ourselves cannot see because we just have certain blinders that are entirely subconscious (or nearly so).
One of my friends who is a healer of over twenty years has recently come to the realization that it is not her job to heal the world, but to heal her own. In so doing, her life and all that it attracts has quickly begun to change. As a result of this, the clients who beat down her door are no longer dealing with the splits in their psyche or souls, but are now instead working on very different issues. What once was about trouble with relationships and issues of blame-making and personal irresponsibility emotionally are now about abundance, about getting out of people’s way so they can soar, about being supportive but without having to “fix” anything. The healing work she does, then, is changing from fixing people to empowering them. But don’t misunderstand…..these are people who already have so much working right, they simply are absent the old glitches and problems. They are now merely wanting to know how to make things even better than they are.
As I resolve old issues latent within me, these blocks that lift and fall away (you can actually FEEL this as it happens) I find that it’s as if I enter into a different world. It feels like the world I was once in has shifted, as though there are countless versions of the world, individual worlds, all working through what they are working through and by changing what is in me, I change either my focus or the world shifts beneath my feet imperceptibly. In my mind I have sensed it as though I am turning an old radio knob slightly to the right or left of the station I was once on and tuning in a different world….one where all the same people are there, but with some things different. It feels as though there are these limitless earth realities with every conceivable eventuality already happening in time but also outside of time, too. Somehow, by simply changing HOW I feel and HOW I am, the world I end up in after an energetic shift results in a permanent change in the world. I am not going so far as to say that THIS is HOW it is, only that this model seems to describe it the best (and in the end it is only a model, so who knows if this is actually how things work…although I will note that there are similar ideas floating around in the quantum physics arena).
So the people in the world actually begin to act differently as soon as the change within happens. I have lists of these events and how the world began to change. I don’t mean nuanced appearances of the sky or the wind, but in how a contract negotiation that had a client offering 75% below the actual value of the asset suddenly offers the fair market value the very next day, which just happens to coincide with a shift I went through that had to do with an issue related to honesty and fairness when dealing with myself (curious how it did not really have to do with others, even though events always resulted in dragging in people who all mirrored this). Classes that were peopled with students stuck in victim energy changed to people who sought to work on being the very best they could be, taking responsibility for their actions, their feelings, and being more accountable. All mirroring a change that took place in me the day before. This does not make sense, right? Magic thinking, you say?
There is a healing modality from Hawaii called Ho’oponopono that you really ought to look into. One of its chief proponents, a Dr. Hew Lin, describes how he helped to heal an entire ward of criminally insane individuals simply by sitting in front of their files, never visiting the ward itself (he really didn’t want to) and then used Ho’oponopono. This method takes the stance that what is in the world is also in us. A reflection. Clean up what is within yourself first and the world can and does change. Heal the glitch and the glitch in others will heal also. This was an event that is documented. Many people are now practicing this method of healing, and it makes entire sense on an energetic level. I will admit that I had some trouble with it until I felt more deeply into it, and once there, it made perfect sense. It is radical responsibility for ourselves, the same level of responsibility that I had been shown by my higher self that was absolutely necessary for me in my own work. I will admit that I was not able to hear it right away. Hard rock. Weathered by the incessant water. That did it. We are all alive with our freewill and I have certainly seen some people be unable to change or heal, too. This is where knowing to honor a person’s process is so important. It is curious that in many instances when we let go of needing to show someone the glitch, they are more free to see it on their own. Why? I suspect that the glitch in the person who needs to show the unhealed person their flaw to fix is him or herself mirroring a glitch in the other person which isn’t actually about healing at all. I know, this may not make sense to you, but I have encountered it numerous time in my life and had a lot of this happen during a 17 year marriage. You might know what needs to be changed, but you are in truth harboring a glitch yourself that will keep the person before you quite possibly unhealed. Why?
The glitch in you is actually about something else entirely. The glitch COULD be that YOU know all the answers and the world is itself unknowing. When you remove that glitch and replace it with “The world knows the answers because encoded within it is the divine just seeking to explode out of its old shell” then guess what? The world begins to conform that THAT instead of a view of limit or lack. Replace what you have in yourself, and the world will change too. The change, though, has to be real and all the way down to the root. There can be no doubt about whether this change is true or not. We do a lot to tell ourselves that we are healed, so radical honesty is necessary. And the thing is, you might not know for sure, but what I will offer you is that somewhere inside that god-dess it DOES. So seek that. I know that when I give up rational thought and move into feeling I can most often spot the glitches. I feel them as either tight spots in feeling or outright raw areas, like an abrasion or cut. How you feel them could well be different. I cannot say, but what I can say (because I know so much! I joke!) is that you have the means to relate to it somehow because everyone does.
Yes, you have the answers. And yet, this is not just about knowing a thing. It is about embodying it and actually being ready for change. I have achieved more by speaking to someone’s soul than I have in seeking to push any kind of river in their life. this speaking has been from soul to soul and is not the ordinary kind of talk we are used to. It actually is a form of letting go of the earthly self so the larger self can step in. What it does is very different from what we are used to here on earth. For me, I do well to follow that one simple star of my being. I may not always have the solutions to every problem in a rational parsed and worked out way, but the rational logical side is only one small part of a larger tool box of being. When we stop clutching every grain of sand in the desert , it is then free to flow through our finger in totality. Clutch, and the flow stops. So which is better for you, a handful of sand, or being able to move mountains whilst sitting still seemingly doing nothing? One parses particles, one parses WAVES. The WAVE is infinite, the particle is a subset of the wave, a manifestation of the wave in a different form. Maybe that sounds like gobbledy gook, and if it does, please tell me because this is how I learned it direct from kundalini and then saw a mirror in quantum physics, which is that when we can stop using the linear mind and shift into the nonlinear mind or mode of being, we step back from controlling things moment by moment with our hands, say, and begin influencing events through our intent. When I say this, I am not talking about controlling the world or people. It is more in line with making a wish for yourself that you can feel to the depth of your being and that you can feel very positive about, with no doubt polluting the airwaves, which then has an amazing capacity for coming true in very short order. So instead of going out and beating the bushes trying to round up the resources you need for a project, for example, the people wind up coming to you. You are now shifting from particle to wave. Or something analogous to it. This is what I write about in my book Waking The Infinite. I write about my first hand experience with what we call manifestation and where and how this emerges and how we can begin to co-create with the world in an entirely new way. Once you know how it works, once it works for you, it seems so easy that it appears as though its a mere coincidence. But as my daughter now knows, because she has observed so many of these “coincidences” she knows that there is something going on.
I will digress for one moment on this one point and use another example, which is clear and powerful. The medicine man Rolling Thunder was a healer who used both energy and herbs to heal. People who worked with him often saw miraculous, impossible things happen where ever he went. He might be at a place where he was speaking and someone would be there who needed to be healed. Rolling Thunder, not being prepared, would go and “think on it” while walking outside in the snow of winter. The herbs he needed he didn’t have, and what’s more, one of he herbs he would need for the healing was the flower from a plant that only bloomed in Spring. This was winter and the ground was covered in snow. As he walked, with the man who wrote the book, it was observed that Rolling Thunder was able to find, quite by “accident” all of the herbs he needed for the healing on his little snowy walk. To understand this one example is to appreciate that for Rolling Thunder, this was normal. Things like this were happening all the time. It isn’t really a miracle, it is how he was able to position himself energetically in relationship to the world. If the need was there and there was nothing blocking that need or wish, then whatever was needed would happen. So forgive me this one diversion, but this feeds into the glitches that we have, or don’t have that actually either hinder or facilitate some desired change or outcome. When you stop putting limits on what can or cannot happen, the world will conspire to bring you whatever you need as it is needed. This can happen in perfect timing. So the lesson for me is that when we remove the blocks within us we can then mirror a very different type of world with very different outcomes. I KNOW it may sound magical to some, but all of this is supported by many events that are too numerous to be brushed off as coincidental.
A great Gnostic teacher once said that once you have dissolved the divisions within you, when you bid the mountain move, it will move. You don’t get out your shovel. You BID. Doing that means letting go of the usual way we seek to control. All of it.
I have someone whom I love very much in my life who is suffering greatly. This person does not realize how he is suffering. I can point out to him all of the places where he needs to fix it all. ALL of it. In fact, some of his issues have been my own. But what I know is that none of that matters. None of it. In fact, in my seeking to fix it directly for him winds up only making matters worse. This person got into it on his own and he has to get out of it on his own. He has to own it, otherwise, it is not a lesson fully learned. Having the faith that in his own life, his own energetic dynamic is going to help to create the pressure to change will work perfectly in his own life. And it will. I could easily explain how things were going to go down for people who were doing destructive things in the past, but in cases where I tried to explain, it was not just not heard, it was entirely misinterpreted. They simply could not SEE it. At all. And there is a reason for this. People have to OWN it. BE it. And who are we to rob people of that? If we add into the mix our own glitch which might mirror something in them, this on its own can serve to effect people on an energetic level and have results that may not even be intended. You wind up feeling like you are banging your head against the wall.
It really just comes down to self-love. Not selfish love. Not narcissism. When we can let the flow of the divine within us to move unhindered, we don’t need anything else. We are suddenly like a babe suckling at the breast of the infinite goddess, the perfect source for any and all of our healing. It is there that all answers will come. It may just be that the person who you are trying to tell what is true about themselves doesn’t even need you to tell them, but needs to find it on their own in their own perfect way. You can either mirror a deep distrust in people being able to get there on their own or you can mirror a deep trust that they have in themselves to get there when they are ready.
The impulse we have is that we can make life easier for people as if there is a limit to the chances we will have to get it right. We approach this as though the universe is somehow limited and bounded, which is not. The truth is, from my perspective, is there are limitless lives for us to learn to remember who and what we are, and the universe will ALWAYS conspire to bring us to that place. Learning to trust that each person will get there is a big lesson to learn. When you do this, YOU are also sending a message to the universe that someone believes in the power of that person’s soul to get it all worked out in perfect timing. Does it happen in this life? Maybe. Maybe not. And while we feel a sense of righteous indignation when people are not following THEIR path we entirely miss it; they ARE living their life and following their path each moment that they choose to create what they create. If they come to us and ask for help, then they are asking for help in manifesting a change that they are themselves working with. Either way, they are seeking it, creating it. You are not their savior. The savior resides within. ONLY. Anything beyond this is like a crusade mentality where we all know THE answer and this leads to all kinds of problems. For us and for those who are around us. This does not mean we are not concerned, compassionate or engaged. It is very much a paradigm that is seeking to make its way into the hearts and minds of many.
After feeling into my own higher self, I came out of that place with the awareness that this self was unbounded. While in time, it was also not IN time. It is not the limited form of consciousness that SEEMS to be limited in duality here (which we are realizing we actually aren’t….just like the higher self). So when I hear the Hindus speak in terms of each self being a god that is evolving, this doesn’t just make sense, but feels like just what I have observed. So if this is so, then the self does indeed have the resources at its command to make what it needs to happen to happen. Futzing with that might well bring static into the equation, no? You do not dissolve karma by holding onto it, you let it go by letting it go. I had someone telling me for years how I needed to get a handle on my own stuff. the more they did this, the more defensive I became. This only served to make me feel like I was in an unnatural forced type of thing. I once turned to this person and tried to explain that all of this would happen faster and easier if I was allowed to flow and have faith that things would happen in perfect timing. This person looked at me like I was mad. She just could not get it. And yet, interestingly, this is precisely what happened. We each have to have what we need in ourselves to make change happen. Perhaps we can inspire, support, facilitate, but most often it is in bringing the resources to that person that they are asking for that makes the difference in the end. Sure, you can say something to someone who changes their life, but realize; it changed their lie because they themselves were ready for it. They were. This really wasn’t about you and your insight. That can happen all day long, but in the end, it is about the person who is seeking change and is doing what they need to do to make it happen.
I was just in the studio training a crew of assistants for a new project and I explained that I was only going to tell them a few very basic moves because filling their heads up with a bunch of steps would not allow them to match muscle memory with the cognitive process they have to go through that forms the bridge between mind and body which has to happen together. I explained that after they had learned some of the moves, they could stand back and watch how others were not doing a step correctly. The fact was, they ALL knew each step equally, but they each had to, in the moment, match the brain with the body. It wasn’t JUST knowing how to do the steps, it was something more nuanced; it was getting knowledge and body knowing together to form a third relationship or channel for doing. Watching someone blow glass might look simple, but it is not. It is frustrating difficult for many people, and the frustration is getting yourself to that point where you put it all together in the right fashion. In a way, this is how all personal change happens. Sure, you can have a great trainer, guide, helper, but in the end YOU decide. You have to. And herein is where learning to simply trust that they will get there will have the most supportive effect. We are all living in this quantum soup that has the capacity to show us how mountains will be moved simply by bidding them.