How kundalni awakening has benefited me, in a nutshell, would be the awakening of the two energies together in my awareness that served to be the very essence of kundalini itself.  At the time I did not know that this thing had a name like kundalini.  I had even read up on this phenomenon many years previously, but when it came it went over my head.  This was not something apart from me, not something I had “caught” but that was rising up from the very depths of who I was.  Kundalini, before I gave it a name, made it quite clear to me what it was.  For me, I was aware of two energies inn union throughout my entire being.  This was like a libidinous force wherein a presence was released in me, set free from the cage of the root to flow freely throughout my entire being.  My whole body had become bathed in the energy of this thing, these “two” energies in this tight embrace, this constant unstopping embrace of pure bliss.  I was aware that a third energy was created, though, and I saw this as a triadic form of three pillars of energy rising through me.  The two pillars were like two lovers in full embrace, and out of their union there emerged this other powerful transcendent presence and energy and this was what I called for a time “the child.”  This was the fruit of their union.  It made perfect sense to me to label it in this way.  This was what it was.  However, this child was something different from its parents, and yet was also connected deeply with them.  NONE of them could have existed without the other.  Their existence was somehow defined by their context TOGETHER.

I did not feel the masculine rise without the feminine.  The very power of kundalini was in the immediate and constant embrace of the two together.  “The child” seemed to develop in my awareness after a number of weeks and months, however.  I found myself lost in the reverie of this embrace within me, my mind soaking it up and feeling into it.  The energy was itself highly intelligent.  Wherever my mind was directed, I seemed to apprehend the meaning of whatever it was I was curious about.  I felt hooked into a kind of inner network of energy.  People who had died who came back spoke of having instant knowledge of anything they put their mind to.  I wondered if this wasn’t all that different.  I felt hooked into something….something vast.  The energy seemed to contain information within its “DNA” that I could unlock and see and feel and know.

Searching to see if I could find anything that described this experience, I found an exact description in early Christian works.  The Gnostic texts spoke directly to my experience of the Mother and Father and the “perfect seed” being the Christ or “child” I had felt moving through me.  The Mother, though, would be the Holy Ghost in later works, an attempt to perhaps hide her reality.  I realized that there were those who could not, for whatever reasons, recognize the feminine side of this experience perhaps because it would put women on par spiritually with men.  What a contraversy to have a feminine power so alive within yourself that it is undeniable as to the nature of spiritual experience!  So it has gone.

But today, we are open to the necessity for a balance.  I know that for me, I experienced this balance alive in me, and continue to do so.  It is the divine feminine that I felt from the very moment that kundalini awakened that gave me such rich insight into women, into myself as a man, and about how the two fit together both in the day to day and on a cosmic level.  It became clearer and clearer to me that in order for them to fit well here on earth, we had to learn how to mirror them in ourselves in order to align to a “destiny” and mate who would most perfectly fit this part of ourselves which is already ascended and is not showing us the way.

Kundalini, I knew, was a time traveller, an advanced stage of consciousness looping back into its past to help raise itself up.  I have since had some interesting experiences with going back into my own past to bear messages and help to my younger self and I have come to the conclusion that time does not stop us from doing this.  Only our bodies that have mass may keep us planted in our own river of time but the mind is free to roam as it has no mass.  And we do.  And we will continue to do so, leaping back and forward to repair and heal and boost ourselves from a variety of different time lines. Sound impossible?  My dear, there is nothing that is not possible.  The stories I could tell you about time and traveling within its many varied currents!

So the saving grace has been in awareness.  This inner beloved, called the bridal chamber by the Gnostics for the libidinous bliss that it confers, is the fire, the catalyst that actually bears transformation.  In the beginning, it was a hard thing to deal with.  It was almost too much.  But in time, I learned to develop ever widening capacities for it, to become the vessel for it that I had to be.  Resistance is futile.  In this are lessons to the feminine aspects of the self as well as the masculine.

I think person by person, we are being shown a way to be, a way to feel, a way to become that is entirely personal and individual.  Instead of conquering nations, individual hearts will be conquered by this, piece by piece until the world is a giant patchwork of this light.  Perhaps it will continue to spread.  My first sense was that this energy was doing just this.  Spreading.  It is no accident that you are now reading this!

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