When I awoke I did so with a corresponding increase in the vividness and intensity of my dreamscape.  Before awakening occurred in total, I was already having dreams that were pointing to the fact that awakening was upon me.  Most of my dreaming is a rather intense experience, but is one that now seems much more purposeful and I am more aware of the fact that my dream world is very much a place for me to process my feelings about a host of things.

Just as awakening was getting under way I had an dream that lasted all through the night.  It was one giant dream that stretched from one end of the night to the early morning.  It was like a marathon in which I examined all of the major material present in my life at the time.  It was like taking an inventory.  In the end I was shown my own personal demon.  This was a revelatory process of digging as deeply as possible into the psyche using all the tools available.  Only in doing this, only in digging deep to examine the unexamined do we ever manage, I think, to come to a different place in ourselves.

My observation is that we are amazingly unexamined beings.  We live in the soup of our feelings and memories, and yet we shove so much material down into ourselves, and this place in ourselves, the subconscious, becomes a kind of dumping ground for things we would rather not examine very closely.  So out of the way, these things slip into the night and they wind up coming back later, as Jung and Freud observed, in  far worse shape than when they were when they were originally buried in the backyards of our minds and hearts. In our case, we bury different things in different parts of our energy bodies based on the vibration of the energy.  Then, as we begin to dredge the depths, these things start to release from certain areas of the Light Body, and we find that we have some clearing of an old block in the root, or sacral, or solar plexus, heart, throat or third eye or crown.  All of this has levels, layers, and what was cleared on the first pass in the heart can be cleared again at another layer in the same spot but with different things entirely.  It turns out that this observation was also made by the Hindus and they call this the “etheric sheaths” which sets up a layering effect to our energy body.  You don’t JUST clear the energy body or the chakras by having kundalini rise and pierce each center.  It seems, at least in my experience, that kundalini cleanses the chakras with this libidinous energy that bring awareness but it also does so in a deeper and deeper way with each “pass” through the center.  There are a number of very good methods for assisting in the release of blockages of an energetic type, but for now, I am going to focus on dreams.

Since 2006, my dreams have taken a sudden change, that is for sure.  And yet, I find that they still serve to help me in identifying old material I thought I had dealt with.  Just last night I had another round of these dreams where I was going through to very old relationships and coming face to face with people I had known decades ago.  I pay attention to my dreams.  I used to keep journals all through my college days up until about fifteen years ago when I stopped recording them. But paying attention to the harder dreams are key because they most often are involved in helping me to dissolve some fear issue.  Sometimes you can just FEEL it in your body as it happens.  Then, in facing the fear, it can actually be transformed.  Its a wonderful process, but always fees like a cliffhanger as its happening!

One thing that kundalini has done for me is it has dissolved some of the veils between waking and dreaming.  I can, while awake, utilize the symbolic imagery of dream by using my third eye to drum up images from the subconscious to help me to understand better what it is that is taking place in the here and now.  When I first awoke, I found that I could talk to this energy and it would respond.  I could ask it to rise and it would rise and become stronger (oops!) or I could ask it things and it would offer me up images in my third eye or as some people say their “mind’s eye.”

When I asked this energetic presence in me why it was here and what its purpose was, I was shown the inside of a very large warehouse building with pallets of material stacked high.  As I looked at it, the images contained all this information.  I understood; I saw myself going through each box, each pallet, identifying all of this forgotten warehoused material that was the ancient backlog of karma.  But the curious thing about this process was that whenever kundalini led me to a place where there was a block or old inventory of material, all I ahd to do was to acknowledge it in order to feel the block clear up.  I could then feel the energy rush through that center into the next center.  It was like going through a vast fiber optic network and cleaning off the sheaths of fiber so the signal could get through more clearly.  It seemed so simple, so straight forward.  I found that the more I identified, through ego, with a given knot, the harder it was to let it go.  The ego was holding on.  It was far better to not even LOOK at whatever it was the kundalini presence was trying to show me.  I would just pick it up like a rock and kiss it and toss it aside.  After a while, the fire of kundalini which had burned down the stubble of this vast prairie of my soul, had revealed all these stones peeking up our of the fresh grass.  Each one we picked up, blessed, and moved on.  this process worked very well in the beginning.  the early work was in many ways the easiest even though I knew the least about what was happening.  As I dived deeper, it has seemed that the deeper material is more central to ego and is thus much harder to dig out and let go of.

The phenomenon of ego death (a term I do not like because it is misleading) does help considerably in allowing one to let go of this material.  WIth ego so centrally positioned within ourselves, it naturally is far more active than it needs to be.  For me, this “death” was itself a collapse of the old arrangement and the creation of a new one.  It was in may ways like rearranging the furniture or transplanting a flower from the center of the garden out to the edges.  Ego just gets in the way for a variety of reasons and is not all that we are.  But ego is important and if we think we have killed it off, we are fooling ourselves.  We need it for survival purposes, and it seems that ego corresponds with some cognitive functions in the left hemisphere that allow us to identify individual objects and to make decisions in a linear, rather than nonlinear way.  These tasks are important, yes, and may have been much more important in our past then they are today.  As a result we have more freedom now to shift into the goddess mind, into the right brain more, which is what I think is helping to drive such incredible and peaceful change in awakening and the world.

In dream, ego is safely asleep and out of the way.  We can see things more for what they are, albeit dressed in the symbology or imagery of dreaming.  These dreams can help to dissolve the emotional blocks that keep the flow of energy at bay or from reaching into other portions of the light body.

For me, the energy was relentless.  I would dissolve a block, would feel elated at managing to do this, would spend about a day in celebratory jubilation only to find that the energy had moved to the next position, to the next place that needed to be cleared.  the energy would move on to the next spot, would begin to work around the blocked area and my awareness seemed critical in going there and recognizing it.  As a result of this I developed a kind of process that is very easy in some cases, for some blocks where all you need to do is be present and do this one thing that makes the entire process so much easier.

I think we feel as though we have to solve something when it comes to clearing blocks, but really, if you are honest with yourself, I think you will find its much more about recognizing something and making peace with it.  However you do this is your own way of relating to it, but ultimately it means you let go of it. It then loses all power over you, over your energy, over how you feel and how you react in all kinds of situations. For me, it has meant no longer focusing on what OTHER PEOPLE THINK.  Somehow, that seems a pretty mighty distraction for me, and is much of what I was writing about in my previous post about vulnerability.  Energetically, when we can do things like forgive ourselves, or seek forgiveness from some authority figure (a stand in for our own inner god-dess authority), we often can trigger just the right kind of feeling within us that releases this material.  It is like a kind of reset button gets pushed and POOF!  It is gone.  Just gone. Nada.  No more.  Let me tell you, the sense of freedom that is felt in that moment is amazing and perfect.

Then, the energy just flows in such a beautiful way.  Until kundalini raises its hand and gets your attention to come back to the back forty of your awareness to find this old dead body you buried there.  The body is actually YOU…..and as you look at it….what might have been shame or hurt slowly slips away and you realize “it is gone….that was in the past….I cannot change it….so I need not hold onto it…I can let it go…..and sin no more….”  And just so you know, after having to take a two-semester course in religion in college years ago, I was fortunate to have learned from people who were not teaching faith but teaching facts.  My teacher explained “the concept of sin was very different from the one we have now….sin was anything that caused harm to your soul…anger, jealousy….pain, envy…..it didn’t have the objectified sense of judgement attached.”  It seemed that we can cause hurt to our very tender circuitry if we aren’t careful.  I noted that as I awoke I became incredibly sensitive to all kinds of stimuli.  I could look at things and be overcome with bliss and wonder or incredible hurt.  I stopped watching t.v., I stopped watching news and all the rest.  I was jut so open and its circuitry was just so vibrant and alive in me.  I had to be careful what I looked at, what I felt.  It was like all my senses were sharper and more alive.  What was a whisper could be heard as a scream.  This was what all of this cleaning of the circuitry was doing to me, for me.  As ego stepped back, so much just slipped and fell away.

To understand this, I am reminded of this dream that was told to me once.  this guy had this recurring dream that was a bit of a nightmare.  In it, he was pursued by a pack of angry werewolves.  What is more scary than werewolves?  Zombies?  Well anyway, he was menaced by these dreams.  Over and over they would plague him.  Then, one night, as he found himself cornered by a pack of these werewolves, the alpha male walked up to him with this grimacing look on his face.  He moved closer and closer to the guy and as he did this, he noticed that he could see his reflection in the eyes of the werewolf.  What he found so peculiar was that HE looked like a werewolf too!  Then, quite suddenly, the dream changed.  The grimaces on the wolves turned into smiles as the man relaxed and took off hooting and howling with his mates as they took off through the forest.  What he realized was that the thing that he feared most, he WAS.  By just letting himself BE this thing, he gave up all resistance to is and it took on an entirely different gloss.  So okay, maybe he was a wild animal deep down, but once he realized this and embraced it, it wasn’t nearly so bad as what was happening when he was resisting it.  It was in resisting it that he was getting scary dreams, fear, and anxiety.  He integrated the shadow into himself and then realized there really wasn’t anything to fear.  So it seems we embrace and accept at a deep level so that the nature of whatever it is we feel has the opportunity to change.  And after all, isn’t is ALL just energy?  Isn’t it all in how we mold and shape it?  For me at least, kundalini is the opportunity to change how I feel about what it was I have created in the PAST.  This is all about dissolving the PAST so that I can have a more vibrant PRESENT.  By doing that, I am not affected in big and small ways by that back log of material silently and perhaps subconsciously playing like a loop or program in the backs of my mind or heart, or sacral, or root, or solar plexus, or throat chakra.

But don’t get me wrong; there is more work to do.  More more more.  And the thing is, I am back to it, learning more than ever the things that will absolutely hang me up and cause me hurt and pain and that NOW is the time for letting all of that simply go and live a radically different life.  So in dream, I get the wonderful opportunity to be reminded of the old material that remains and instead of feeling defeated over something remaining from two decades ago, I feel like a librarian who finds some dusty old novel in the back stacks, smiles and holds the book for a few moments while whispering, “you were such a great story weren’t you?  We thought you were the cat’s pajamas, and now look at you…..” and with that, it gets put on the cart and taken to the curb.  Yes, its a good little book, and perhaps someone else might like it, but there is just no more room for it in this library.  The process in all of this is changing how we feel about things.  If I am afraid of something in a dream, I know that I have to conquer that fear somehow.  I have to know it is not something to fear anymore because that very fear blocks energy.  As I change my perceptions of something, it also correspondingly changes some small aspect of my life.  Piece by piece, the events in my life take on a very different quality.